Why hello. If you’ve read my writing before, it’s likely been of the feminist variety – so you may be surprised to see me writing about cooking. Clearly there are connections between food, cooking, politics, and gender. I’m not gonna get too deep into all that. Yes, feminism will come up now and then, but for the most part I want to talk about food itself. Because food is awesome. It tastes good. It’s fun to play with. And for me, cooking is a way to turn off the reel of awfulness that is part of doing feminist work everyday – I’d like to think writing about cooking will be the same. So I very much appreciate the wonderful editors of The Toast thinking about my writing on sexism, and saying – hey, let’s get that gal in the kitchen! Even more so, I appreciate the openness on the name for this series – so welcome, folks, to “Eat Me.”
The short version? Don’t fuck with an Italian girl and her cured meats.
One of the first big fights I had with my boyfriend (now husband) Andrew was over antipasta. His parents were visiting us for the first time since we started living together. I made reservations at a local restaurant, but they were going to come to our apartment first. Like any good Italian girl, I planned to set out some appetizers and wine.
I had pre-ordered a storm of antipasta at my beloved D&F Deli: a block of provolone, spicy sopressata, mixed olives, pepperoncinis, artichoke hearts, salami, the works. Andrew, irked that he would have to make a stop on the way home from work to pick up said food, didn’t understand why what we had in the fridge wouldn’t do.
This is what he wanted to serve:
This is how that idea made me feel:
I’m sure there’s an argument to be made here about socialization and gender roles and why the thought of serving my boyfriend’s parents cheddar on a Ritz was more horrifying than a date with Joe Francis. But all gender-based contextual underpinnings aside – I COULDN’T DO IT, readers. I would have preferred to cancel their visit entirely. (And believe me, in the heat of the argument I threatened as much.)
Antipasta really can set a mood, and the mood I wanted to convey was not: “Welcome to NYC, here’s a cracker that will make you feel thirsty for the next three hours!”
And, truth be told, I was using food – as I often do – as a way to battle back my own class anxiety. I was dating a guy who just graduated Harvard who was 5 years my junior. His parents were coming to Queens from Sonoma. Professionally, I was just joining the ranks of folks who made me feel extremely insecure and unqualified. Food was makes me feel comfortable and in control – I can put together a nice meal without it feeling like posturing.
I got this from my mom, who taught me that the first food item you set out in your own house for someone says something about you and how much care you put into their visit; and it says something about how you want your visitors to think of you. It’s what she called “putting something nice out.”
And that’s what’s great about antipasta. It’s not exactly appetizers – so you’re not overdoing it – but each of the components is quality. Antipasta is relaxed but thoughtful.
Once our fight was done (I won, obviously) and the dreaded first impression was over, Andrew finally came around on antipasta. I think it was the mozzarella that did it.
So, if you decide antipasta is for you – here are some recommendations. I like to have at least two cheeses: a mozzarella and a hard cheese, generally provolone or parmesan. You can have a little honey or balsamic for dipping on the side if you want to be fancy about it. Two or more cured meats: I’m a fan of sopressata (spicy, not sweet), salami (cause almost everyone likes it), and mortadella. Olives are a must – but please for the love of all that is good put out a pit plate or bowl – as are pepperoncinis. I don’t love artichoke hearts, but they do add some nice texture to the plate. For bread – foccacia or sliced french is best.
Plus, the great thing about antipasta is that most of it comprised of food that generally keeps well – cured meats, hard cheeses, and pickled things. So you can have a lot of this just hanging in the fridge. And of course, all you really have to do is arrange it – no cooking necessary. (The biggest upside of having antipasta handy, though, is that if you’re feeling lazy you can easily just eat it for a meal. I say this having had burrata and prosciutto for dinner this week.)
For the overachievers: If you need a little something extra nice to put out, do a bruschetta. It’s literally the easiest thing ever to make – also, comprised of things one should have on hand at all times: tomatoes, garlic, basil, olive oil. I use plum tomatoes, chopped up small. A LOT of garlic – if you’re pressed for time and want it really small, do like I do – throw a bunch in a food processor. Basil: the easiest (and nicest) way to chop a lot of this is to roll up the leaves first. It makes ribbons of basil rather than small bruised pieces. Advice: Don’t make this too early in the day, it will get watery. Toast whatever bread you’re going to use, and if you want to add a little something special – out out blue cheese to top it off. Sounds weird, but I promise you it works.
Lastly, eat your face off.
Illustrator: Esther C. Werdiger writes, draws, and podcasts in New York. She’s not quitting her day job, because that’s how she has her visa.
Tags: antipasta, cooking while tangentially feminist, eat me, jessica valenti, let’s get that gal in the kitchen
(Astoria! Woo!) Boursin has been the favorite soft cheese of me and my friends to set out when having parties for a while now. So many flavor options!
BOURSIN! Seconding times a million. We put it out with balsamic glaze heavily drizzled over top and it gets devoured in a second.
YES food writing, the only thing the Toast was missing!!!
Excuse me?
Oh yes! Your potato salad, sorry, I forgot! But this is a regular column, right?
Oh, girl. It’s going to be SO RECURRING. So many salads from Jolesters. Saving us all from the rotting lettuces in our crisper.
How about the leftovers from the salad your husband insisted you make, which the children wouldn’t even LOOK at, and then he didn’t eat, and now they’ve been in the fridge for a week?
*eek*
Pour it into a glass and call it a veggie smoothie, no blending required?
If they’re still food, saute them in the morning with a couple of scrambled eggs — frittatas are where all leftovers wind up in my house. (If they’ve turned to silage though — throw them out.)
and remember to keep your meats away from everything else to keep the plate vegetarian friendly!
I love all cured meats, but I would absolutely be down for a vegetarian antipasta. “I’ll have ten thousand pepperoncinis, please. Right there. And the juice. Go ahead and pour the juice over them. Yes, that’s fine.”
Million dollar idea: pepperoncini juicing diet
“You know what? Just give me a plate of fine italian cheeses. Yeah, all the cheeses you have, Ron-Swanson style. I’ll be good with these.”
“In fact, just leave the jar full of juice here with me. Thank you.”
“I flick it on my sandwiches for flavor.”
If you’re of the Bloody Mary persuasion, pepperonicini juice makes a damn fine contribution to the bevvie.
Pepperoncini are second only to edamame in the list of things I snack on until they’re basically a meal.
isn’t it antipastO? Is antipasta different?
Well, if you’re talking about multiple food items it’s actually ‘antipasti’. It’s probably most accurate to say ‘antipasto’ (masculine) but my family has always called it ‘antipasta’ and it appeals for that reason and because it’s the feminine. SISTERHOOD AND ALL
Love it! Thanks.
yeah it’s antipasto. I understand the explanation given but it still drives me a little crazy. It’s that weird American Italian. Italians who came to America created all these little language quirks that have been adopted here and are not really Italian at all. Which is fine! Italian-American is a culture all on its own.
Buuuuuttt…. I studied abroad in Italy, and was very fully immersed, and my pronunciation is nothing fabulous but I know what it is supposed to sound like even if it doesn’t always when it comes out of my mouth. And I worked in an Italian restaurant for all of 2 shifts after I returned, and the person training me corrected me on my pronunciation very presumptuously, and he was pronouncing it the American way, and it was all I could do not to punch him.
Yes. Pasto means meal. Anti means before. Antipasto is what you eat before the meal. Plural of pasto is pasti.
Incidentally, pasta means paste or dough. Plural of pasta is paste (pas-tay).
Best line ever read in a blog “don’t fuck with an italian girl and her cured meats”
In addition to the platter, I love roasted garlic and goat cheese with a crusty baguette.
Those figs look good. Give me a fig.
AHH! Food as a way to assuage class anxiety – totally get it.
Because my dad’s side of the family is Spanish, we call it “tapas” though we rarely have more authentic tapas than some pulpo (in the tiny oval cans from Goya) and some good olives, and then veer off into heresies like Brie and chevre and a sliced baguette. But there HAS to be something on the table.
NEVER apologize for Brie.
mmmm, cured meats, hard cheeses and pickled things are basically all my favorite things in life. just go ahead and mix the salt and vinegar together and pour them straight into my mouth, why don’t you.
and now I’m fantasizing about eating the olives and fancy aged cheddar I’ve got at home right now. the only question is: will I get fancy and cut everything up and put it on crackers, or cut off a hunk of cheese to gnaw and eat the olives straight out of the jar?
This column is so relevant to my interests. I wish feminism and cured meat interacted more often. ALSO, this week my boyfriend took me out for a celebratory meal, and we ordered antipasta and YOU GUYS. The platter was as big as two of my heads and piled as high and it had everything I have ever wanted to eat on it, including crispbread, and parma ham, and round olives that were the green that all green things aspire to be. SO GOOD.
ETA: Rebecca Lindenberg 4lyf. http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/243898
That is EXACTLY the poem I thought of when you described the olives.
Estherrrrrrrrr!!!!! Esther is heeeere!!
The greatest thing about Italian food is that it’s focused on procuring fabulous ingredients, and letting them stand on their own. You don’t necessarily have to launch into hours of braising or marinating. My favorite thing to serve as an appetizer is a caprese salad comprised of sliced tomato, burrata, and fresh basil leaves, drizzled with olive oil and salt and pepper. People always freak out over how good it is, and really, all I did was buy the most delicious burrata I could find, and serve it with fresh tomatoes and basil, which complement it perfectly. Oh man, I think I need to make it for dinner tonight.
loved this. going to give a shout-out to my fave cured meat, finocchiona (salami with fennel). it really dials up an antipasta platter to 11. unless your guests don’t like anise, in which case why did you invite in the first place.
oh this is amazing and everything my fridge has been missing. ADULTHOOD AHOY
I love food writing. I really, really do.
But antipasta and I are…not friends. Not since the Fourth of July when I was 16 and given a massive drink made by my uncle who really enjoys getting people drunk, making me spend a lot of time with antipasta in truly horrific ways. I wish that I could like it. I just cannot.
The biggest fight my girlfriend (now wife of 13 years) and I had was whether or not to bring a bottle of win to a softball league championship party. I was vehemently against it, but truth be told, in looking back, I lost the battle AND lost the war. After our little dustup, I couldn’t think why I have a s**t about it…I didn’t think anyone would drink wine (read: beer & shots crowd) but should have just let her bring it and not be an ass. Today, she brings what she wants, and we’re a happy couple. 🙂
sometimes an appetizer is just an appetizer
Antipasto, plural antipasti!!! Or did you mean somebody that is against pasta, and just misspell it?
It would be pretty tiresome reading if this becomes a series on food (or makeup or whatever) and every article has to begin with a near apology for the subject matter and the reminder of your feminist bona fides.
why don’t you wait until it’s an actual series before you work up a good state of exhausted tedium?
Mmmm, antipasto. I’m hungry now, and kind of want to go out and just buy a whole thing of salami for lunch.
Mmmm, antipasto. I'm hungry now, and kind of want to go out and just buy a whole thing of salami for lunch.