Things To Be Afraid of in the Locker Room

locker roomSo California passed a lovely little law this week that lets transgender students in public schools choose which bathroom and locker rooms they use, as well as whether they’d rather play girls’ or boys’ sports. Tremendous! Anything to make gym class pleasanter, anything to make transgender kids’ days at school a tiny bit less of a total fucking bummer. But should you be more worried?

“The answer is not to force something this radical on every single grade in California,” said Karen England, executive director of Capitol Resource Institute. “What about the right to privacy of a junior high school girl wanting to go to the bathroom and having some privacy or after PE showering and having to worry about being in the locker room with a boy?”

Your problem is stupid, and also it does not exist. Here is a partial but by no means exhaustive list of things the average junior high girl worries about more than the hypothetical presence of a trans* classmate in the locker room:

  • Why returning a serve volleyball hurts her forearms so much
  • Cyber-bullying, probably
  • How many scented candles she is allowed to keep in her room before her mom starts asking pointed questions about Wicca
  • That weird smell
  • Whether the fact that no one talked to her in English today was a coincidence (were they just tired?) or if she did something wrong and there’s going to be a whole thing now
  • If she is that weird smell
  • Whether or not her friend Beck can do something like change in the locker room without getting hassled by a dozen fucking assholes, and whether Beck wants to rollerblade over to the White Rooster after class for peach rings
  • If she could get away with spelling her name a little bit differently or if everybody would notice and think it was stupid
  • If anyone noticed that instead of filming the volleyball game on Thursday so the team could rewatch and analyze their moves she mostly just zoomed in on Kevin Mock and his friends in the bleachers and if that makes her a bad volleyball manager
  • If Shannon will still be her second-best friend even if she moves to Las Vegas with her mom this summer
  • If Ms. Paulus will notice if she takes a break during wall sits and, if Ms. Paulus does notice, whether or not she’ll have to do extra wall sits
  • Why everything is such total bullshit

[Image via Wikimedia Commons]

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