One lucky NYC-based Toastie who happens to be available Friday, August 30th at 7:30pm will get to have a free training session with ME and also Captain Superquads. What could be more thrilling? Nothing. You’ve seen him box jump. You’ve seen his unnecessarily optimistic plan for beginners. The prize is open to male and female readers alike, and I will lay my sweaty hands on you as a benediction and buy you the electrolyte replenishment beverage of your choosing.

At first, I couldn’t figure out what to make you do to compete for such an august prize, there were a lot of options:

1. Describe two imaginary Mitford sisters in captivating detail.
2. Draw (visually or in words) the tiara you would award Antoinette Tuff for her heroism.
3. Write a sonnet about Robert Townsend.
4. Compose an acrostic for “bok choy” which covers why bok choy is awful.
5. Rewrite the lyrics to Tegan and Sara’s “Closer” so it’s about me.

So, you can do any one of those things in the comments for this piece. I mean, these are cool things, you can do them even if you are ineligible to win, just to show off.