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Home: The Toast

loraxPrevious entries in the series can be found here

THAT’S COMPOSTABLE YOU KNOW
I’m sorry?
POST-IT NOTES ARE ACTUALLY COMPOSTABLE
SO YOU SHOULDN’T THROW THEM OUT
Who is this?
I AM THE LORAX
the what
I SPEAK FOR THE TREES
okay well
thanks for the advice

 

DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN ALSO COMPOST YOUR OWN HAIR
I didn’t know that
YOU CAN
SO ARE YOU GOING TO TAKE THOSE POST-ITS OUT OF THE TRASH THEN

 

DID YOU GET THAT EMAIL I FORWARDED YOU
ABOUT THE DANGERS OF E-CIGARETTES
What email?
CHECK YOUR SPAM FOLDER
SOMETIMES MY EMAILS GET STUCK IN SPAM FOLDERS

I thought you spoke for the trees
I SPEAK FOR A LOT OF THINGS

 

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
HOW MANY TAMPONS THE AVERAGE WOMAN USES IN A YEAR

I’m in class right now
I can’t talk about tampons
TAMPONS CAN’T EVER TALK
THEY DON’T HAVE MOUTHS
THAT’S WHY I SPEAK FOR THEM

okay
ENOUGH TAMPONS TO MAKE A TRUFFULA TREE
THAT’S HOW MANY
HAVE YOU CONSIDERED THE DIVA CUP
That’s really personal, Lorax
NOTHING IS PERSONAL WHEN YOU SPEAK FOR THE TREES
and tampons?
AND ALSO TAMPONS AND SOMETIMES E-CIGARETTES YES
I’ll think about it
THERE’S ONE IN YOUR PURSE IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND
JUST IN CASE YOU NEED ONE TODAY

You put one in my purse?
You went through my purse?
OH YOU MEAN YOUR LEATHER PURSE
YOUR PURSE MADE OUT OF DEAD SKIN
this is too weird
I’m throwing it out
DON’T
don’t what?
DON’T REACH IN YOUR PURSE
Lorax if I reach in my purse what will I find in there
DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU CAN MAKE YOUR OWN SOAP OUT OF DISCARDED COCA COLA SYRUP
WHICH MOST RESTAURANTS WILL GIVE TO YOU FOR FREE IF YOU ASK NICELY

Lorax are you in my purse right now
YES
Why
I FELL ASLEEP WHEN I WAS PUTTING THE DIVA CUP IN THERE
YOUR PURSE IS REALLY SOFT
oh wow
are you okay?
NOT REALLY
LEATHER IS REALLY SOFT

I DIDN’T REALIZE HOW SOFT IT IS
I’m sorry I made you touch leather
SOMETIMES I GET SLEEPY SPEAKING FOR THINGS
IT WAS JUST SO SOFT AND I WAS SO SLEEPY
Do you want me to let you stay in the purse for the rest of the day
YES PLEASE
I WOULD LIKE THAT VERY MUCH

Okay
CAN WE PLANT A TREE LATER THOUGH
I MEAN IF YOU HAVE TIME
JUST ONE TREE ON THE WAY HOME

Maybe
OKAY
BECAUSE I THINK MAYBE SOME OF MY FRIENDS WILL COME BACK
IF WE DO THAT

Maybe they will
I JUST HOPE SOME OF MY FRIENDS COME BACK
I know
YOU’RE MY FRIEND NOW TOO THOUGH
I know
SO I GUESS IT’S WORKING ALREADY
I guess so
MUST BE ALL THOSE POST ITS WE COMPOSTED THIS MORNING
Go back to sleep
OKAY THANK YOU

[Image via Wikimedia Commons]

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