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Home: The Toast

hey
where are you?
hi
where are you?
you’re like two hours late
it’s almost midnight
i can’t get out of the house right now
is your car blocked?
do you need a ride?
no
it’s like
there’s this bird
there’s a bird on your car?
no he’s sitting on my statue
it’s like
mm it just keeps looking at me
got those fiery bird eyes
you know?
what?
fired up eyebirds
you know
like how when a bird looks at you so much
that you can’t leave the house
that’s
no
that’s never happened to me
well it’s happening like crazy over here
so i have to keep looking at him
it might take a while
oh and plus i fell asleep reading
i was asleep for like an hour
i literally just woke up
and now i have this bird thing to deal with
so i don’t think i’m going to make it tonight
sorry hun :)

 

search Contacts for “Lenore”
Contact not found

 

hey i’m going to be late to Kim’s thing
can’t really leave the house right now
save a seat for me though okay
is that bird still there?
no
lol what bird?
oh
yes
but that’s not the point
the bird’s fine, whatever
it’s the bells
the bells?
yeah
the bells, bells, bells, bells,
bells, bells, bells-
what bells?
from the jingling and the tinkling of the bells
what bells are in your house?
oh man what kind of bells AREN’T here
mellow wedding bells
golden bells
loud alarum bells
bronze bells
terror bells
terror bells?
all kinds of bells
the anger of the bells
the horror of the bells
the iron bells
sobbing bells, bells, bells, bells, bells,
bells, bells, bells, bells
okay
okay I’ll save you a seat
yeah definitely save me a seat though
i’m for sure going to make it
i just have to sit through the bells first
right

 

search Contacts for “Lost Lenore” 
Contact not found

 

hey is Virginia going to be there
which Virginia?
the hot one
I don’t know which one you mean
the one who’s always sick
i think she has cholera
or tuberculosis or something

the tall one?
no
the redhead?
the one whose dad is brothers with my dad
your cousin Virginia?
lol idk how else you make cousins
except for having dads that are brothers
so yeah

oh
I don’t know
save me a seat next to her okay
if she’s coming

 

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
Hi
ok don’t be mad at me
why?
i feel like you’re going to be mad at me
or like you’re mad at me
or something
so don’t be mad at me
you’re not coming
i can’t coooome to the thiiiiing tonight
i’m so sorry
you can’t leave the house?
oh my god i canNOT leave the house
I feel like that’s turning into a thing with you
what do you mean
well
like last week
you couldn’t leave the house
because you were too busy looking at a bird
is it the bird thing again?
hi
whoa
hi
whoa
i wasn’t LOOKING at a bird

wow where is this even coming from
the BIRD
wouldn’t stop LOOKING
at ME

okay
that’s a really big difference
anyone can look at a bird
i could go look at a bird right now if i wanted
i could go look at the same bird
he’s still fucking here
not that you asked

I literally just did ask
fuck you
why can’t you leave the house
oh my god
where to even START
there’s a heart in the floor
and it will not shut uppppp of beating
but that’s not even the main thing
there’s a cat with one eye that keeps calling me a murderer
well
did you murder anyone?
wow
you know what you sound like right now?
do I sound like the cat
you sound like the cat with one eye
I’m just asking because you said you had a heart in the floor
I said there WAS a heart in the floor
not that i HAD a heart in the floor
there are a lot of reasons a person could have a heart in their floor
not just murder reasons
thanks a lot though

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