where are you?
where are you?
you’re like two hours late
it’s almost midnight
i can’t get out of the house right now
is your car blocked?
do you need a ride?
there’s this bird
there’s a bird on your car?
no he’s sitting on my statue
mm it just keeps looking at me
got those fiery bird eyes
fired up eyebirds
like how when a bird looks at you so much
that you can’t leave the house
that’s never happened to me
well it’s happening like crazy over here
so i have to keep looking at him
it might take a while
oh and plus i fell asleep reading
i was asleep for like an hour
i literally just woke up
and now i have this bird thing to deal with
so i don’t think i’m going to make it tonight
sorry hun :)
search Contacts for “Lenore”
Contact not found
hey i’m going to be late to Kim’s thing
can’t really leave the house right now
save a seat for me though okay
is that bird still there?
lol what bird?
but that’s not the point
the bird’s fine, whatever
it’s the bells
the bells, bells, bells, bells,
bells, bells, bells-
from the jingling and the tinkling of the bells
what bells are in your house?
oh man what kind of bells AREN’T here
mellow wedding bells
loud alarum bells
all kinds of bells
the anger of the bells
the horror of the bells
the iron bells
sobbing bells, bells, bells, bells, bells,
bells, bells, bells, bells
okay I’ll save you a seat
yeah definitely save me a seat though
i’m for sure going to make it
i just have to sit through the bells first
search Contacts for “Lost Lenore”
Contact not found
hey is Virginia going to be there
the hot one
I don’t know which one you mean
the one who’s always sick
i think she has cholera
or tuberculosis or something
the tall one?
the one whose dad is brothers with my dad
your cousin Virginia?
lol idk how else you make cousins
except for having dads that are brothers
I don’t know
save me a seat next to her okay
if she’s coming
ok don’t be mad at me
i feel like you’re going to be mad at me
or like you’re mad at me
so don’t be mad at me
you’re not coming
i can’t coooome to the thiiiiing tonight
i’m so sorry
you can’t leave the house?
oh my god i canNOT leave the house
I feel like that’s turning into a thing with you
what do you mean
like last week
you couldn’t leave the house
because you were too busy looking at a bird
is it the bird thing again?
i wasn’t LOOKING at a bird
wow where is this even coming from
wouldn’t stop LOOKING
that’s a really big difference
anyone can look at a bird
i could go look at a bird right now if i wanted
i could go look at the same bird
he’s still fucking here
not that you asked
I literally just did ask
why can’t you leave the house
oh my god
where to even START
there’s a heart in the floor
and it will not shut uppppp of beating
but that’s not even the main thing
there’s a cat with one eye that keeps calling me a murderer
did you murder anyone?
you know what you sound like right now?
do I sound like the cat
you sound like the cat with one eye
I’m just asking because you said you had a heart in the floor
I said there WAS a heart in the floor
not that i HAD a heart in the floor
there are a lot of reasons a person could have a heart in their floor
not just murder reasons
thanks a lot though
Mallory is an Editor of The Toast.