I have no whimsical or intelligent introduction with which to frame this. Sometimes things just happen:

The female chief executive officer of Archie Comics is being sued for gender discrimination by her male employees.

Nancy Silberkleit’s lawyers claim the suit is baseless because the employees, all white men, don’t belong to a protected class.

You have my attention. Do go on:

The five employees — including Archie president Mike Pellerito and editor-in-chief Victor Gorelick — claim that Silberkleit used “gender as a weapon” to degrade them, for example, by refusing to call them by their names and instead referring to all of them as “Penis.” They also accuse her of frequently yelling “Penis! Penis! Penis!” in staff meetings.

According to court records, “[p]laintiffs fail to allege that any such comments were directed at any of the plaintiffs in particular, or they could cause extreme emotional distress even if they had been.”

But the employees contend that “the word ‘penis’ became somewhat of a campaign slogan and her preferred method of referring to employees in lieu of their names.”

“So we go to printer by the sixth, and then –”

“PENIS! PENIS! PENIS!”

“…go to printer by the sixth, which means we should be able to ship by–”

“PENIS! PENIS! PENIS!”

Please feel to picture that scene from 30 Rock where Tracy screams “PANTS! PANTS! PANTS!” but with the CEO of Archie Comics and the word “PENIS!” instead for the rest of the afternoon. That’s what I will be doing.