Happy birthday, Joan Didion! One of these women is Joan herself. The other is Vogue editor Anna Wintour. Can you guess which is which?
As a special gift to those of you who clicked through, please enjoy the following Anna Wintour/Joan Didion friend fiction.
Anna Wintour and Joan Didion ooze bonelessly past one another on a New York sidewalk. Both of them attempt to lower their giant sunglasses, shattering several knuckles in the process. Anna valiantly uses her cigarette holder to prop hers up over a quizzical brow.
JOAN I like your severe gray bob.
ANNA (thinking, rather than speaking): I LIKE YOUR SEVERE GREY BOB AS WELL.
They both think about smiling, then dismiss the idea as rather too too.
ANNA (thinking, rather than speaking as humans do) DO YOU THINK PERHAPS THAT WE ARE BUGS. I SOMETIMES WISH THAT I WERE A BUG. FREE OF THE CONSTRAINTS OF THE HUMAN BODY. LITHE AND LIGHT, WITH ONLY AN EXOSKELETON AND COMPOUND EYES. SKINNY ENOUGH TO FLY AND LIVE INSIDE OF FLOWERS. HOW SIMPLY MARVELOUS.
JOAN Do you ever think that perhaps we are cousins?
Suddenly the two of them are caught in a hailstorm of September issues. They are too weak to push the glossies out of the way. Didion extends a frail arm out to Wintour, but her gold bracelets are too heavy to lift.
JOAN Have I ever told you about the development of the 57 freeway?
Wintour tries desperately to free herself.
JOAN Have I ever told you about the native flowers of Sacramento?
Wintour stops struggling. She appears to be won over by the better angels of our nature
ANNA (thinking, rather than speaking as humans do) NO YOU HAVEN’T YET. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOANIE. AS SOON AS SOMEONE COMES ALONG TO FREE US I’D LOVE TO HEAR ABOUT IT.
Patti Smith whizzes past on her skateboard.
PATTI Happy birthday, Joan! See you at the party tonight; I’m bringing the orchids!
She ollies over the two of them. They shake their heads.
IN UNISON Oh, Patti.
Mallory is an Editor of The Toast.