Thus the heavens and the earth were finished, and all the host of them.
These are the generations of the heavens and of the earth when they were created, in the day that the Lord God made the earth and the heavens,
And every plant of the field before it was in the earth, and every herb of the field before it grew: for the Lord God had not caused it to rain upon the earth, and there was not a man to till the ground. But there went up a mist from the earth, and watered the whole face of the ground. And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.
And the Lord God planted a garden eastward in Eden. And out of the ground made the Lord God to grow every word that is pleasant and unpleasant to the ear, but there was one word in the middle of the garden, and that word was the n-word. And in the garden he put white people, and told them to dress it and to keep it and to hold dominion over it.
And the Lord God spoke to white people, saying, All other words you may gladly say, and yet this n-word you may not speak, just the ONE word that’s off-limits. Literally just the one. Look at all the other words I have made for thee in this thy garden. Try saying all of them. There’s so many.
But the white people were sore angry and said Why can’t we say it and the Lord God said Seriously I made you a whole garden of other words and the white people said Yeah that’s great and we really appreciate but can we say it just once? What about if we’re singing along to a song and it comes on the radio and it would sound sort of weird not to say it, can we say it then? and the Lord had not expected such a question.
And the serpent – which was more subtle than all the other beasts of the field – said Seems pretty unfair there’s a WHOLE WORD you can’t use, and of the white people many nodden their heads at the rightness thereof.
I don’t understand why this is such a big deal for you, the Lord God rumbled over the garden. There are so many other words to say, I’m just asking you not to say one of them. When would you even want to USE it.
‘Unno, said the white people in response to the Lord their God. Just in case, we guess. And the white people said While we’re on the subject why is there an ENTIRE MONTH about black h– and the Lord said I’m going to bed.
Enjoy the garden, or whatever, he muttered listlessly before turning off the light behind him, and the world was plunged into eternal night, and it was evening, the seventh day.
Mallory is an Editor of The Toast.