DIRTBAG SHAKESPEARE imagines modern remakes of Shakespearean plays with a teenage dirtbag cast. The rest is pretty self-explanatory.
A GHOST appears.
GHOST: have you ever listened to Sublime
HAMLET: [makes j/o motion]
CLAUDIUS: who drew this dick on my face
HAMLET: does your face not always look like that
GERTRUDE: Hamlet I invited some of your friends over
HAMLET: [smoking] theyre not my friends
i wish i were dead
GHOST: hamlet you must avenge my death
HAMLET: i dont have to do anything
youre not even my real dad
GHOST: yes i am
GHOST: have you killed Claudius yet
HAMLET: fuck you is why
im going to the cemetery to touch skulls
Enter HAMLET, skateboarding
OPHELIA: My lord, I–
HAMLET ollies over OPHELIA’s head
HAMLET [offstage]: we were never dating
GERTRUDE walks down the hallway. Enter HAMLET, skateboarding.
(HAMLET skates backwards) UUUUUUTT
LAERTES: Ophelia is dead
LAERTES: she drowned herself
HAMLET: thats metal
i knew she was cool
(HAMLET is dying)
(HAMLET draws a dick on his face)
Images by Matt Lubchansky, who makes comics and occasionally leaves his apartment in New York. His work includes Please Listen to Me and New Amsterdam Mystery Company. He’s on Twitter, and doesn’t expect you to get his name right.
Mallory is an Editor of The Toast.