Home » Cartoons » Non-Binary Relationship Labels: A Cartoon Non-Binary Relationship Labels: A Cartoon Jess Davis on February 26, 2014 in Cartoons 1200598 Commentshttp%3A%2F%2Fthe-toast.net%2F2014%2F02%2F26%2Fnon-binary-relationship-labels-cartoon%2FNon-Binary+Relationship+Labels%3A+A+Cartoon2014-02-26+14%3A00%3A27Jess+Davishttp%3A%2F%2Fthe-toast.net%2F%3Fp%3D12005 Jess Davis’ previous work for The Toast can be found here. Tags: cartoons, feminism, jess davis, politics, relationships Related PostsThe Queen of Low Self-Esteem on Math: A CartoonEmily Dickinson’s OkCupid Profile: A CartoonTurning 25: A CartoonPattern Behavior CartoonsA Lady’s Guide for Covertly Joining a Fictional Army Feminist Postpartum Vignettes About Author by Jess Davis Jess Davis always makes time for breakfast. She likes dogs and mountains. She infrequently updates her Tumblr 12005Latest Commentshttp%3A%2F%2Fthe-toast.net%2F2014%2F02%2F26%2Fnon-binary-relationship-labels-cartoon%2FNon-Binary+Relationship+Labels%3A+A+Cartoon2014-02-26+14%3A00%3A27Jess+Davishttp%3A%2F%2Fthe-toast.net%2F%3Fp%3D12005 icebergmama JESS that last one. stabbed right in the heart, me. (although of course as an expat Aussie, "mate" made me go *dawwww*) Hayley Of course the correct Aussie pronunciation is "Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate." icebergmama Maaaaate! Ow ya gahhhn? Anti_kate Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate. (Joy at seeing long-lost friend.) Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate. (Sadness at hearing bad news from a friend.) Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate. (Incredulity that a friend has hooked up with loser ex.) Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate. (Happiness at meeting another Australian in a tiny bar in the steppes of Kazakhstan.) icebergmama 100% accurate. literaltrousersnake down to the fact that there are Australians _everywhere_ at _all times_. Anti_kate True fact: you are never more than 3m from an Australian. Rachel So… it's the equivalent of the California "dude"? quaffalyre I am English and use mate like this too! Is this a problem? Can we sublet it from you guys? icebergmama way to take back the inheritance yo dakimel "Person who keeps on breathing next to me." ArsenioB_Ham So much breathing. And so loud. dakimel The inhales louder than the exhales, which is just plain wrong. JauntyGhost A subtle whistling inhale is my least favorite. Sounds like it's hitting every booger on the way in. C.B.Blanchard 'Person who CHEWS' Anti_kate "Person who slurps their soup." rat_paws This made me happy (and then sad), but mostly happy embryoconcepts Beau, gentleman (or lady) caller, my person, happy place EPWordsnatcher "You there" thatrobin "Sweetie" gets a lot of use among my friends, and it makes me happy. Fluffernutter Jess Davis – killing it as usual! (BTW, those xoJane/toilet paper commercials on the side of the page are making my eyes pop clean out of my head this morning! What in the actual fuck….) GreenGrasses Toilet paper is so chic now. malloryelis wait, WHAT COMMERCIALS Fluffernutter They've been replaced by Bounty commercials now, but Jane Pratt and her kid were hocking Charmin this morning. I quickly shut my eyes because I don't want to see how the sausage is made!!!! Madge Howlet Is this where I can very quietly note that some of the video ads have autoplay SOUND that freaks me the hell out when it suddenly comes on under whatever music I'm listening to? Or even worse, when it suddenly starts yelling at me when I've walked away from my computer but forgotten to mute it? Because that happens. chewtastic The chrome plug-in that stops all autoplay is magical. (Sometimes I have many tabs open, all yelling, yelling over each other.) Beakses I've somehow set flash so that it has to ask me before it runs, so I just see adorable puzzle pieces instead of videos. I do have a chrome plug-in that tells me where the hell the damn sound is coming from, for other kinds of auto play… Bittersweet Too much baggage. We're not co-workers in the NKVD. ljnd I have been with my person for 11 years (as long as I was married to my ex). I have lived with him for nearly 4. I am still at a loss. He calls me his girlfriend, and his daughter's stepmom. I don't care much one way or the other what he calls me – I fret about what to call him because "boyfriend" is just…frivolous. So I fall back on "partner" and feel idiotic. Shalalas Why does "partner" make you feel idiotic? I consider it on the top of the label pyramid–only reserved for the best. (but I also use it generally b/c I like being gender-neutral) ETA: clarity ljnd Because it sounds very business-y – as in the illustration. Which is what I am during the day, but not at home. We are terribly not business-like. tjdubya Partner gets a tiny shudder from me too. It's business-y and a little soft-y PC. Man-friend or Mr. Manager, on the other hand… ginkgotree Just Manager. shahea Yeah, I still feel a bit odd calling my BF my "boyfriend" because, well, I'm in my mid-30s, and that seems like a juvenile appellation. I can't do partner either – it absolutely reminds me business partners. robotneedslove "Lover" seems like a nice compromise. ljnd I would do, but then people envision us having sex. So…not their business. robotneedslove Oh no no it was a joke. I cannot abide the use of "lover" in public. Gross. ginkgotree I'm with Liz Lemon: "That word bums me out unless it's between the words 'meat' and 'pizza.'" tjdubya Also, climax is off limits hellebore_ how about 'my spouse'? Jaya Ahhhh I am so weirded out about being a "wife" in three months, help me come up with a different word! mindy My husband promised to use, "Mein frau," but never actually did. Arin Arcady The doorman at my office building asked C. once if she was my girlfriend. She thought a bit and then said, "Yes, but we're also married." So I've returned to calling her my girlfriend. Being married to me is a supplemental identity, not a superseding one, I think. littleinfinity I love this!! Jaya He has been calling me his "ex girlfriend" now that we're engaged. robotneedslove One of my bosses likes to say he's going on vacation with his girlfriend when he and his wife are going on vacation without their children, and MAN until I understood I was like "gross". bpym28 "Meine Frau." Sorry/not sorry literaltrousersnake *fosse-vogues* pitytheviolins *meine </German grammar nerd> mindy Ha! Good thing he never actually used it, then. GreenGrasses My dude calls me Schatzi! bpym28 Jinx! dakimel I call mine 'spouse' but usually only when typing. (Or DH, but only on the specific site where I'm most likely to type about him.) But we've been married 20 years. It took me 17 of them before I changed my surname, and I figure 'husband' is a small step after that. Jess Davis We use "partner" consistently, flawlessly, absolutely, and it is Never Not Weird. :-/ eegghh My boyfriend said to me the other night, "I think we should start calling each other partner because of how it will make us more socialist sounding, gender equality and we're more serious than boyfriend/girlfriend" and I said, "but UGHHHHHHHHH" and then he said, "Like partners in life" and i said, "I think they say Life Partner, not Partner In Life" And he said, "I can say it the way I want" And I said, "fine, but I'm calling you my boyfriend." But maybe I shouldn't. Maybe I can add a caveat that when we are be-spoused I'm happy to call him my partner- that is a more businessy arrangement anyway, there are documents. Prawns I don't know when those labels will truly kick in, and I'm 5 months into being married. I can refer to him as my husband to other people and it just rolls right off immediately, but I still get confused at thinking of myself as someone's wife. Like, no, I'm still Prawns, when did I become someone's wife? Then again, 2 nights ago, he just out of no where said, "We got married. Like, that's a thing that happened. A while ago." And I could say nothing but to confirm that yes, we did get married, and what the fuck. So, at least we're on the same page sometimes with that section of befuddlement. Beakses Spouse works okay, but husband and wife are pretty serious power words. It still kind of weirds me out, but when the words "my husband" come out of my mouth, people listen differently than they did when I said "my boyfriend." I try to mostly use my powers for good. I boycotted fiancee entirely, though. It just never worked for me. And wife is not really on my radar as part of my identity- nor do I really think of my husband as my capital H-husband- he's just mine :D AmazingSandwich I'm pretty okay with partner. I haven't yet found anything I like more. Amphora A coworker refers to his partner exclusively as his "other half," I guess as a euphemism around telling everyone he talks to "I am in a same-sex relationship." Sarah D I have that same co-worker. It's been a couple years now, and I'm still waiting to find out what the other half's actual name is. vmartinipie I saw one of those stereotypical Tumblr posts about what some language calls a partner and it translated to "the dear one" or "the dearest" which I think would be cute as fuck except it sounded really weird when I tried to actually say it out loud. Maybe I should just soldier on! brookshelley I have one person that calls me "sweetie" – it's apparently a bay-area poly term. A couple folks that are "person friends" – but I'm also fond of "cuddlefriends". shahea Occasionally my BF calls me his "LOVVVAAAAAAAA" in greatly exaggerated tones, thus ruining the chance of my ever being able to call him my lover and maintain a straight face. EPWordsnatcher I always think of the "taking a lovah" line from Sex and the City and therefore cannot say it with a straight face either. icebergmama Yes I was struggling with what to call my brother's girlfriend because it makes it sound as though they're just dating, when in fact she is in all respects except legally, pretty much his wife (they've lived together for ages, plan future together etc). How about "paperless wife/husband"? (b/c no one has signed any papers) problematically binary I suppose but however. dakimel "How's your Common Law Spouse these days, bro?" "CLS for short, eh? How's ClaSs?" Madge Howlet CLaSp! ofTrebond I think "partner" works really well for that sort of thing. Which makes me feel weird using it for less life-partner situations. Someone you've been dating for a few months might be your "boy/girlfriend", but "partner" does not work [for me!] as a gender-neutral option at that stage. Personfriend is cute. briliantmistake My friends and I have occasionally used "spousal equivalent" in situations like this. We are massive nerds, obviously. icebergmama this… actually sounds perfect. littlehuntingcreek Sweetie for friends of all genders, Duuuuuude, for guys, and babe for girls(used by dudes only, women did not call each other babe, not cool), in the CA beach town where I grew up Dude serves the same function as Mate above. A multi purpose term. littlehuntingcreek In Murrilinn (Maryland to outsiders) HUN is a multipurpose salutation for all genders Arin Arcady The way you guys say it, I always think of the Free State as home to wizards. Amphora I slipped and called my dad "hon" one day and he responded "Yes, dear?" before we both realized what we were saying. Olgasrevenge I am always really interested when people who are not used to talking about non-hetero relationships switch back and forth between 'partner' and 'friend' when referring to my girlfriend. Example: A conversation I recently had – Aunt: What are you and your friend doing while you're in town? Olgasrevenge: We went hiking yesterday but we're mostly helping Mom and Dad move to the new house since they helped move us a few months ago. Aunt: Oh that's nice! I didn't know you two had moved in together. Olgasrevenge: Yeah the new place is much closer to my girlfriend's work. Aunt: What does your partner do again? Your mom said but I forget. Has anyone else encountered this phenomenon? MrsTeacherFace Maybe moving in together changed the designation for her? robotneedslove This is brilliant and I'm employing it immediately. Cannot WAIT to use it at work events (I work at a big law firm). EPWordsnatcher Perfect! Please do and report back. thenotestaken Has everyone forgotten about "boo"? Jess Davis If I could ever say "boo" convincingly enough to make someone else believe I was in a true boo-lationship, I'd be ALL OVER IT. thenotestaken What would the drawing for "boo"? Little sweetheart ghosts? NEVER FORGET. Frances My high school Student Council does a halloween fundraiser called Boograms, where you pay a dollar to send little lollipops covered in tissues to your boo… reactions are mixed between "this is the dumbest idea ever" and "omg so cute" turanga_leela My husband and I call each other Bu. Sounds the same but a slightly different spelling. hugpunch My ladyfriendpartnerperson calls me boo. bookwormV I'd feel too much like Tom Haverford. Brunhildenburg I just call everyone "Doll". Madge Howlet I alternate between "Doll" and "Kiddo" because I'm under the mistaken impression that I live in a screwball comedy. ginkgotree I use "kiddo" and "buddy." Lawrence Datefriend! Perfect for when you're just starting to see each other, so 'parter' and even 'sweetie' are too serious-sounding. ginkgotree Plus then you sound like Psmith, which is always good! Megano! My friends call them "hugs." malloryelis M'COLLEAGUE tjdubya Hmm, a little on the hot & steamy side, dontcha think? Loony_Lovegood SOUPY TWIST, Mallory. SOUPY TWIST. HeyHandsome My esteemed friend. Always makes her giggle. Sara I'm very partial to "my someone," Music Man-style. themandalin I like this one the best of all. sednarea51 My first post- college roommate had a guy named Lars helping her move in. I didn't know if they were together or not, so I called him "her associate, Lars". I've been partial to the phrase "my/her associate" ever since. Especially if you're named Lars.