Two Medieval Monks Invent Art

From the year 800 AD to 1450 the entirety of Europe’s approach to painting was “It’s impossible to know what an animal looks like, just draw a guy’s head on it.” This is their story.

MONK #1: what do lions look like in the face
i mean what do their faces look like
MONK #2: worried

worried lion

MONK #1: what does it look like when some people are far away
but some are closer
MONK #2: draw them all exactly the same size

peasants

MONK #1: are people the same height as castles
MONK #2: pretty much yeah

castle

MONK #1: how big are most peoples foreheads
relative to the rest of their face
MONK #2: oh it’s 90% of the face, definitely
MONK #1: thanks

forehead

MONK #1: what size and also location are most human breasts on the body
MONK #2: pretty much anywhere
just jam em on the torso wherever

breast1

breasts2

breasts3

MONK #2: the important thing is to just always draw human faces on dogs
MONK #1: why is that
sorry
is that a dumb question?
MONK #2: kind of

dog

dog2

dog3

MONK #1: what do whales look like
MONK #2: pretty much exactly like squirrels or any other animal
but in front of a blue background

whale

MONK #1: hey so do human heads grow on big leafless trees a lot
or just sometimes
MONK #2: mm probably a lot

tree

MONK #1: what do babies look like
MONK #2: ….huh good question
MONK #1: kind of like a very old man?
MONK #2: but also baboons

MONK #1: dang
whats a table look like
MONK #2: oh wow
MONK #1: i know right?
MONK #2: ahhh i KNOW this

table

MONK #1: can rabbits stand up
MONK #2: yeah
MONK #1: how big are books
MONK #2: like half the size of a castle
MONK #1: wow ur good at this

rabbit

MONK #1: do you want to go get lunch
MONK #2: lets pray for four hours first
MONK #1: ok

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