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Home: The Toast

Most recently in this series of unspeakable torments: Love is in the Air. The ladies waived their fee as a Saint Patrick’s Day gift to The Toast. We are very grateful…we think?

To: Nicole; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Ashley; Ali; Morgan L.; Jen
From: Katie
Date: March 4, 2014
Subject: Going Hard On Saint Patrick’s Day Is The New Black!

Hey ladies,

I’ve taken myself to theme out the next holiday (St. Patty’s!) for our crew. I just realized with the exception of Jen, all of us are single and nowhere near getting married (but also, you never know!), so why not use this time in our lives to go big and never go home.

Mingling in March = our St. Patty’s. It’ll be like college again except the guys we end up sleeping with may actually be able to afford to take us out for brunch in the morning.

I want to #tbt this entire holiday so that means partying like it’s 2002!

Places we can go:

– Hoboken (NJ but cute meathead guys)

– Murray Hill (no explanation needed)

– UES (younger dudes just out of college, hot)

Acceptable outfits:

– Anything green

– Cute makeup

– HAIR

– Shamrock stickers?

– Wristlets (coach???)

I think it will be so fun. Ugh, you girls keep me so young LOL.

ALSO did we want to talk about doing a weekend at Jen’s husband’s parent’s beach house in Boca??? Jen is that still an option??? Let me know if you want me to text your in-laws. What are their names again?

xx,

katie <3

“I know who I am. And after all these years, there’s a victory in that.”  – True Detective

To: Nicole; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Ashley; Ali; Morgan L.; Katie
From: Jen
Date: March 4, 2014
Subject: Going Hard On Saint Patrick’s Day Is The New Black!

Hi Ladies!

You all are so cute! Normally Dave and Margie would l-o-v-e to have you ladies out to their place in Boca, but unforch they just closed it up for the winter reno! From what I hear, it’s a TOTAL disaster already — apparently importing the original beams from the pub in Margie’s ancestral village in Ireland is a complete nightmare in terms of shipping! So stressful.

BUT BIG NEWS! (deep breath!)

Brad and I are gonna start trying…to buy a condo! I’m really trying to not get my hopes up, but I am just so ready!! I can’t wait till you girls are married and you’ll have the benefit of all my experience, but for now I am so, so super booked up with open houses and meeting with condo boards and designers. Obviously it’s so tough to find a Manhattan apartment with a kitchen big enough to fit all our KitchenAid mixers!

Anyway, let me know the plans, but no promises lol!

xoxo.

Jen!

“Stop saying OK! That’s so annoying!” – Andi, The Bachelor

“I don’t have to listen to anything you have to say” – Justin Bieber, his deposition

To: Jen; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Ashley; Ali; Morgan L.; Katie
From: Nicole
Date: March 5, 2014
Subject: Going Hard On Saint Patrick’s Day Is The New Black!

I love St. Pattys!!! I vote for UES or Murray Hill! I could never date a guy who lives in Hoboken LOL. My parents met on St. Patrick’s Day (or was it Purim??) and I have a good feeling about this one!

Irish guys are sooo adorbs! I LOVE the accent and how they bottle their feelings inside, sooo cute!

What if we wore wifebeaters with green bras?? I LOVE Shamrock shakes!!! IAMSOEXCITEDICANTEVEN

x o x

Nicole

To: Jen; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole; Morgan L.; Katie

From: Ali
Date: March 5, 2014
Subject: Going Hard On Saint Patrick’s Day Is The New Black!

Hi Ladies!

Miss you girls like woah! I vote for a darty (noun: daytime party). Should I text the Josh’s? I think we should all do matching “Kiss Me I’m Irish” tanks. So cute and it will make us stand out!

Sorry I’ve been so crazed :/ I’ve been thinking about applying to MBA programs, and that’s taken up a lot of my time. Part of me is thinking about Wharton (IVANKA!), then the other part is thinking I should just apply to Vanderbilt so I can have that Southern Sweet Home Alabama experience. Or Princeton to meet my husband like that WSJ article recommended? So tough. In any case, I wouldn’t leave till fall of ’15 at the earliest, so we could have a full year to do it up and wish me a bon voyage!!

But St. Paddys. I’m down for wherevs– I saw Mike RSVP’d to some party on facebook, should we all show up to that one? Looked fun! Ugh but I also saw he retweeted the Ellen selfie, so I’m kinda turned off by him too :(

besos.

Ali

“I can’t be a woman and a girlfriend and a gallerist and an electronic musician all at once. It’s just too many things.” – Soo Jin, Girls

To: Jen; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole; Morgan L.; Katie; Ali
From: Nicole
Date: March 6, 2014
Subject: Going Hard On Saint Patrick’s Day Is The New Black!

Ali,

Do you subscribe to the WSJ? Tried to read but was paywalled??? (?????)

If you have a login can I borrow? Thought that piece looked interesting…….

Nicole

To: Jen; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole; Morgan L.; Katie; Nicole
From: Ali
Date: March 6, 2014

Love you Nicole, but I’ve already shared my HBO Go and Netflix with you and I feel like I’m enabling your life choices now.

xx, Ali <3

To: Jen; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole; Morgan L.; Ali; Nicole
From: Katie
Date: March 6, 2014

OOOO i love dartying! reminds me of college and then i can sober up and like have a productive sunday! so adult.

I still think we should try hoboken to be more cultured? i dont think ive ever been to nj and st. p’s is like their big holiday.

it’s like how times square does new year’s minus the adult diapers and being sober.

also i don’t think we should go to mike’s but that’s just me????????

xo katie

(ps can we agree on shirts/shamrock stickers sooner rather than later?)

To: Katie; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole; Morgan L.; Ali; Nicole
From: Jen
Date: March 7, 2014

Hi ladies!

UGHHHH breaks my heart to say it but I think I’m out of this one…

Brad and I are going to my in-laws and to Home Goods :) we got a zipcar :)

have so much fun!! ugh when did I turn into such a married old hag! HA!

<3

jen

To: Jen; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole; Morgan L.; Ali; Nicole
From: Katie
Date: March 7, 2014

Ladies,

I feel like we’re not really acting like we want to even go out on St Patrick’s and/or hang out with each other. Is everyone okay? It’s nearly Spring so no one can blame this on seasonal depression. Plus we just moved the clocks forward.

I don’t want to feel snubbed. Is anyone mad at me? I just wanna be mature about this.

Katie

To: Jen; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Katie; Ashley; Nicole; Morgan L.; Caitlin Nicole
From: Ali
Date: March 7, 2014

Katie– I think this is a GREAT idea. We love you! I didn’t write back right away cause I got sucked into a vortex of Upworthy!

Ok, Hoboken would be fun, cause ADVENTURE. Let’s do it!!!! Let’s branch out and try something new! Does anyone if there’s a Brother Jimmys in Hoboken??

Logistics:

There’s either a bus from Port Authority leaving at 1:07, 1:12, or 1:18. Personally I think we should take the 1:07, but speak now ladies if another time works better.

Everyone please buy the “Kiss Me I’m Irish” tank at Forever 21. It is the one with BLACK lettering (NOT silver!!!!!). Please get the BLACK lettering or this won’t work!! The Forever 21 on 34th Street has 7 tanks left, so I STRONGLY recommend you stop by TONIGHT. (They close at 9p). The tank is on the second floor right next to the “my boyfriend can beat your boyfriend up” sweatshirts. PLEASE text me after you bought the tank!!

I will have shamrock stickers! I bought them myself– if you want you can pay me back, but it’s only like .75/per person, so you can just buy me a drink instead!

xo! Ali

“I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I’m pretty!” – Kristen, Real Housewives of NYC

To: Jen; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Ali; Ashley; Nicole; Morgan L.; Caitlin; Nicole
From: Katie
Date: March 7, 2014

Ali (and ladies),

lol Upworthy is sooo basic (everyone on Twitter only tweets it ironically) but also any reasoning behind black not silver lettering????? seems goth??????????

LMK quickly i’m going to see if i can get to F21 or like, send a task rabbit

Katie

To: Jen; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Ali; Ashley; Nicole; Morgan L.; Caitlin; Katie
From: Nicole
Date: March 8, 2014

I already have a Kiss Me I’m Irish tee shirt can I just cut it into a tank? I think I can find a How-To on YouTube.

<3

Nic

To: Nicole; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Ali; Ashley; Nicole; Morgan L.; Caitlin; Katie
From: Jen
Date: March 9, 2014

Hi Ladies!

Just a very friendly FYI you can kick me off these email chains because I’m married haha jk! But as I said — won’t be able to join bc I’m going to Brad’s parents’ house and Home Goods. We got a ZipCar (maybe I mentioned already?)

Anyway have fun and no need to reply to me to let me know you got this :)

xx oo xoxo

jen

To: Nicole; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Ali; Ashley; Nicole; Morgan L.; Caitlin; Jen
From: Katie
Date: March 9, 2014

Noted, Jen!

Katie

To: Nicole; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Ali; Ashley; Nicole; Morgan L.; Caitlin; Katie
From: Jen
Date: March 9, 2014

I said you didn’t need to reply you goose :)

Jen

To: Nicole; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Ali; Ashley; Nicole; Jen.; Caitlin; Katie
From: Morgan L
Date: March 9, 2014

LOL Jen!! Yay!! Have fun at Home Goods!!!

xo Morgs

To: Nicole; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Ali; Ashley; Nicole; Caitlin; Morgan
From: Katie
Date: March 10, 2014

WAIT, PLAN,

(Jen is off the chain) but if she has a Zip for that day maybe she can drop us off in Hoboken before going to Long Island to Brad’s parents (and Home Goods)?

Ali can you call her?

xo

Katie

To: Nicole; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Ali; Ashley; Nicole; Caitlin; Morgan
From: Katie
Date: March 10, 2014

Ladies,

I just checked ZipCars in the area and Jen can rent one of those minivans that the Duggars have if she agrees to give us a ride.

Ali, will you call her????? sorry if i am being pushy just want to get all my ducks (or shamrocks!) in a row!

K A T I E

To: Nicole; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Katiei; Ashley; Nicole; Caitlin; Ali
From: Morgan L
Date: March 10, 2014

GIRLS,

did anyone see the strangers kissing video going around on Facebook????

SO cute…

Morgs

To: Nicole; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Katiei; Ashley; Nicole; Caitlin; Morgan
From: Ali
Date: March 11, 2014

Hi Ladies!

That is a great idea!! Fun road trip! I’ll tell Jen and the hubs they can rent a 15 passenger van! She owes me because I cat sat for her once and she said “I owe you!”

Let’s all make a plan to meet at Jen’s apartment at noon on Saturday!

XOX!

Ali!

“It is better to ask forgiveness than permission” – Sheryl Sandberg (?)

 —

To: Nicole; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Katiei; Ashley; Nicole; Caitlin; Ali
From: Morgan
Date: March 11, 2014

Jen is like, our mom!

xo, morgs

PS. seriously did u guys see the kissing video?????????

To: Nicole; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Katiei; Ashley; Nicole; Caitlin; Morgan; Jen
From: Ali
Date: March 19, 2014

Ladies!

So St Paddys was the MOST fun! Thanks for picking us up too Jen LOL! Uber Surge is literally the worst thing that’s ever happened to me ever!! Literally.

Sorry if I drank too much :/ But when in Rome/Dublin LOLOLOLOLOLOL

<3 Ali

ps- Can you ladies PLEASE stop tagging me in photos from my right side??

“We on fire/didn’t mean to spill that liquor all on my attire” – Beyonce, Drunk in Love

To: Nicole; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Katiei; Ashley; Nicole; Caitlin; Morgan; Ali
From: Jen
Date: March 19, 2014

Ha no prob! Honestly it’s the least I can do :)

It was so like…well, I wouldn’t say I was JEALOUS that you guys were in Hoboken for St. P’s and like livin it up because I am definitely glad that chapter of my life is over but I will say you guys just make the best of everything.

Honestly I am so in awe of you. I got into bed next to Brad last night and I was like…even though we’re so boring and go to Home Goods and are like old married people, I am so happy that like, we’re boring together and that’s all that matters because we’re partners and were fulfilled. And he agreed. Guess our St. P’s days are behind us! Ha! I can live through you though :)

Anyway must pencil in a brunch or cocktails soon!

Jen

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Caroline Moss is the deputy editor of culture at Tech Insider. She's also written for the New York Times and Cosmopolitan. She's tweeted over 100,000 times. Michelle Markowitz is a comedy writer, storyteller, and bachelorette party apologist in New York. She can be found subtweeting Cory Booker @michmarkowitz.

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