Dirtbag Little Women -The Toast

Previously: Dirtbag Anne of Green Gables.

MEG: Jo
what are you doing in Father’s office all the time?
[JO kicks her steel-toed boots onto the desk]
JO: writin smut
wanna read it
MEG: …yes

MEG: all right
we’re off to the play with Laurie
JO: don’t wait up
AMY: can I come too?
JO: don’t be ridiculous
AMY [whispering]: I’m going to burn what you love and marry your boyfriend
JO: what
AMY: have such a fun time
at the play

[MEG runs into the room]
MEG: I’m getting married!
BETH: Congratulations!
AMY: Congratulations!
[JO is idly poking at the ashes in the fireplace]
MEG: Jo, did you hear me? Mr. Brooke proposed to me and I accepted him!
[JO draws a dick in the ashes]
JO: I heard you

JO: has anyone seen my manuscript
MEG: no
BETH: no
AMY: no
saw a fire that looked an awful lot like your manuscript though

[The girls are ice skating on the pond]
AMY: i’m tired
i’m tired and this sucks
winter sucks
take me home
[Amy falls through the ice]
AMY: HELP ME
JO: sorry
cant hear you
AMY: CHRIST I’M DROWNING
JO: let me know if you see my manuscript down there

[JO skateboards over LAURIE’s head]
JO: I got your note
you’re not my boyfriend

JO: I got a haircut
what do you think
AMY: oh, Jo!
how could you
your one beauty

[JO climbs into AMY’s room late one night and begins to shave her head]
JO [whispering]: Oh, no, Amy
how could you?
your one beauty
[JO draws a mustache under AMY’s nose]

AMY: who did this
JO: who did what
AMY: THIS
JO: you dont look any different to me

LAURIE: oh, Jo
please marry me
JO: no
LAURIE: but why
[JO strikes a match on LAURIE’s chin and lights her cigar with it]
JO: because that’s exactly what they’ll be expecting
LAURIE: who is ‘they’?
[JO slowly rollerblades offscreen without replying]