The Rules of Gender-Variant Chivalry -The Toast

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chivalryAn asexual must always open the door for a pansexual.

Trans* men must always assist genderqueers with their luggage if there are no airport personnel available to help.

A high femme must do battle for any androsexual in peril from dragon or Frenchman.

The traditional age for taking up the sigil of gender anarchy and door-opening is seventeen, after four years of apprenticeship under a non-monogendered Master.

Heterosexual cisgender men are the daintiest treasure of all in Gender-Variant Chivalry. They must be delicately swaddled in linens and samite and carefully carried from castle to castle.

All soft butches must be trained in the use of the quarterstaff in close-quarters combat.

Trans* women wear pointy princess hats and feed the poor and lean out of windows calling for bold knights to do brave deeds, unless they don’t feel like it, in which case they can do something else.

Drag kings must swear before their people to protect the weak and defenseless, to give succour to widowers and orphans, to refrain from the wanton giving of offense, to live by honor and for glory, and to perform one Tom Jones song a month.

A queer boi must always stand whenever a bisexual enters the room.

Lipstick lesbians should offer their seat on public transportation to any polyamorous triads.

Every fortnight, all practitioners of Gender-Variant Chivalry must switch roles and identity with whatever knight stands nearest to them.

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