DIRTBAG SHAKESPEARE imagines modern remakes of Shakespearean plays with a teenage dirtbag cast. The rest is pretty self-explanatory. Previously: Dirtbag Macbeth.
RODERIGO: Iago
IAGO [lights cigarette over trash can fire]: thats what my mom calls me
RODERIGO: you said you would help me marry Desdemona
IAGO: you got it pal
RODERIGO: but I heard not five minutes ago she married Othello
IAGO: oh shit
i knew i forgot to tell you something
***
IAGO: you know Othello?
CASSIO: yeah
IAGO: man i hate that guy
CASSIO: how come
IAGO: how come
because fuck that guy
CASSIO: i dunno
he seems pretty chill
IAGO: yeah well
he’s not
he’s not at all chill
***
IAGO: oh look at me
i’m Othello
I’m the captain
I think I’m so great
more like the captain of
assface
***
IAGO: oh by the way
totally unrelated
his wife wants to have sex with you
CASSIO: really??
IAGO: yeah all kinds of sex with you
regular kind, standing up, the works
she told me to tell you
CASSIO: really
IAGO: yeah but she also told me to tell you
not to say anything to her about it
except to me
so just let me handle it
***
IAGO: how many guys
like on average
would you say Desdemona is having sex with
OTHELLO: what
IAGO: like just you
or you and also one more person
OTHELLO: what are you talking about
IAGO: if i were you
just to be safe
i would smother her to death
OTHELLO: oh my god
IAGO: just to be on the safe side
***
IAGO: god
do you know who i hate
EVERYONE
***
IAGO: look if you don’t believe me
OTHELLO: i dont
IAGO: i’ll show you proof
DESDEMONA: hi
IAGO: do you see what i mean
OTHELLO: she just said hi
IAGO: yeah but like
the way she said it
OTHELLO: how did she say it
IAGO: ugh i dunno exactly
“whoreishly”
look just kill her and you’ll see what i mean
***
IAGO: uuughhhhh
nobody is murdering ANYBODY
SOMEBODY MURDER SOMEBODY PLEEEASE
***
[Desdemona is dead]
OTHELLO: jesus
how could you do this to me
IAGO: i’unno
OTHELLO: i thought we were friends
IAGO: i said i’unno
Images by Matt Lubchansky, who makes comics and occasionally leaves his apartment in New York. His work includes Please Listen to Me and New Amsterdam Mystery Company. He’s on Twitter, and doesn’t expect you to get his name right.
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