I hear your objections already. “But Mallory, I have seventeen mortgages and my job was murdered in the Recession Tornado of Aught-Six.” “Mallory, I had to sell my parents in order to pay off my student loans.” “Mallory, I’m being chased by jewel thieves.” [gesticulates wildly] Pshshshspspshshpsh. Hush. LeVar Burton wants our money, and frankly he deserves it more than we do.
Do you remember the episode of Parks and Recreation where Ben asks Pawnee’s chief of police to volunteer security for the Harvest Festival, and he’s really nervous because it’s a fairly big favor, and the chief tells him that “Leslie Knope gets as many favors as she needs”?
LeVar Burton is the real-life equivalent of Leslie Knope. He gets as many favors as he needs, because he’s the kind of person who uses favors to help other people.
Perhaps you knew that Reading Rainbow was cut from PBS’ programming back in 2009 due to No Child Left Behind:
And perhaps you knew that LeVar’s been working on a Kickstarter campaign to revive Reading Rainbow, and that they reached their fundraising goal of $1 million on their very first day, and that he cried when he found out they had the money they needed. But they are still accepting donations! And you owe him your money. Frankly, every day that LeVar Burton lets us keep our money is an act of generosity.
If Kunta Kinte came to me and said, “Mallory, I want to film a shot-for-shot remake of National Treasure and I’m going to need all the money in your bank account,” I would say Cash or check, Mr. Kinte?
If Geordi LaForge came to me and said, “Mallory, I want to build a full-scale Viking ship out of marzipan and launch it out of the Bay of Biscay and I’d like to use your book advance to do it,” I would say What’s a convenient routing number, you cybernetic transhuman?
IF THE DIRECTOR OF THE DISNEY CHANNEL’S SMART HOUSE CAME OVER TO MY HOUSE AND SAID “GIVE ME YOUR WALLET” I WOULD THANK HIM FOR THE OPPORTUNITY.
(Yes, okay, of course, I’m not a monster; here is the Reading Rainbow theme song from 1983, go ahead and play it and sing along as loud as you like.)
From The Root:
Burton also promised in the video that goes along with the campaign that portions of the fundraising would go toward subsidizing the program to make it free for schools in need.
Contributors—who can still donate as little as $5 to upward of $3,000—receive various forms of “swag,” from a tweet shout-out to a private dinner with Burton. Some lucky donors may even get to wear the visor he wore in Star Trek: The Next Generation.
“It was my mother who taught me that, by picking up a book, I could ‘go anywhere’ and ‘be anything.’ Ever since Reading Rainbow began in 1983, I have dedicated myself to fostering a love of reading in children, just as my mother did for me,” Burton explained on the campaign site.
Contributor levels I would like to see:
$1-100 – Donor is allowed to take home one mostly-empty water bottle from Mr. Burton’s recycling bin.
$101-500 – Donor will receive a telephone call from Mr. Burton. Mr. Burton will call the donor “champ.”
$501-1000 – The Chance To Repay LeVar Burton: Donor will receive the opportunity to do light household chores for LeVar Burton.
$1001-5000 – Donor will receive a fake college graduation ceremony, from the right school this time, at the end of which Mr. Burton will walk purposefully over to her, place both hands solemnly on her shoulders, look her calmly in the eye and say, “I’m proud of you. You did good.”
$5001-10,000 – LeVar Burton will observe the donor while wearing his Geordi LaForge visor for one twenty-four hour period, then offer constructive criticism.
$10,000-15,000 – The donor gets to spend a sunny afternoon at the Irwindale Renaissance Faire with Mr. Burton. No cell phones. The two of them will share roasted quail and stroll about the grounds. Mr. Burton will pepper their conversation with interesting tidbits about the trade routes and increasingly sophisticated cartography techniques of the Middle Ages, not because he’s showing off but because he genuinely loves learning. Donor will soak it in. Later, as the sun goes down, they will split a rice pudding and sit on one of those giant swings that Ren Faires sometimes have, not saying anything, just sitting together in companionable silence, and she will know peace.
$15,001 and up – LeVar Burton raises your child in your stead because he could honestly do a better job and your child would be happier.
[Partial donor joke credit to @ShrillCosby]
Tags: he is a gift, he was on futurama too, heroes, i love this man, levar burton, pbs, reading, reading rainbow, that tweet made me sob i fucking sobbed for ten minutes you assholes, you can’t disappoint a picture
YOU CAN’T DISAPPOINT A PICTURE.
Mallory, LeVar Burton thinks you’re hilarious!!!
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG.
That is so cool!
And, Mallory, he appended THREE exclamation points! And we know that Levar Burton would never take punctuation lightly, because, GOD OF LITERACY.
I sent Levar Burton a link to this article. I hope he likes that too, mainly because I want to see Mallory explode with joy.
After your Twitter rampage last night, I was certain we’d see something like this today. I literally read the entire thing out loud to my husband because it was THAT IMPORTANT he know what was going on.
And now LeVar loves you. YOU HAVE ARRIVED.
Mallory I’m so happy for you! I would be sobbing too if LeVar Burton thought I was hilarious.
I have SO MANY FEELINGS about this because LeVar Burton is my favorite celebrity of all time and we share a birthday and we both have parents who were schoolteachers who encouraged us to read at a young age and OF COURSE I have already donated and I am just VERY EXCITED
Mr. Burton will walk purposefully over to her, place both hands solemnly on her shoulders, look her calmly in the eye and say, “I’m proud of you. You did good.”
When I find myself in times of trouble Father Burton comes to me, speaking words of wisdom: “Go and read.”
I try to imagine what LeVar Burton would say to me when I’m feeling low in his incredibly soothing and empathetic voice. If I’m religious, my Trinity is LeVar Burton, Bob Ross, and Bill Nye. I cannot say Knots On a Counting Rope except in that particular cadence. I had 70 bucks in my bank account yesterday and now I have 55 because CHILDHOOD LITERACY. I didn’t have a dad when I was a kid but I had LeVar Burton.
Those three are my “dinner party with anyone, alive or dead” guests. And Julia Child.
I think we need to pursue this one further.
Because I haven’t thought about this question in literally years, and the only guest I’m absolutely certain of is Nick Hornby.
I pledged as much as I could swing, sent the kickstarter link to everyone I could thing of, and told them they were required to at least watch the video if they wanted to talk to me ever again.
Also, I would kill a man to have LeVar Burton tell me he’s proud of me.
Possibly for killing that man. He was no reader, that man I killed.
My first loves were LeVar Burton and Batman. They set the bar exceptionally high for all other men who came after them.
Batman would be a terrible boyfriend, though.
This was Animated Series Batman, who apparently had a lot of time for philanthropy and childrearing and not being a sociopath when he wasn’t punching bad guys, but I admit that his appeal has waned since then. If nothing else he keeps really annoying hours and he still lives with his nanny.
Oh, that’s completely legit, then, given that he is the very best Batman.
“the appeal has Wayned” I think you mean.
Ok so when I was a kid I THINK I was on an episode of Reading Rainbow. I’m like 90% sure, but I was 5 or 6, and my mom also doesn’t really remember. But it would have been an episode with a book about big things and small things, and the scene we shot involved a 6-ft. sub sandwich and the kids taking pieces away bit by bit.
(Btw I tweeted LeVar about this a while back and HE RESPONDED but the episode still seems lost to time.)
Anyone have any leads?
Jaya, every time you tell us more about your childhood it sounds increasingly magical.
Wikipedia has an episode list, and the Reading Rainbow wiki has details of some episodes. But searching for “sandwich” on the Reading Rainbow wiki only brings up one result, and it’s not a giant sandwich.
The wiki seems to be slow-growing but not abandoned, so you could re-check it once in a while to see if the episode gets added. Or you could look for if it has any episodes from the right years (using the Wikipedia episode list), and see if any of them were about big and small things.
I think Reading Rainbow just needs to come out on DVD. Is part of the Kickstarter for that?
Addendum: There seems to be basically one contributor to the Reading Rainbow wiki, so you could try contacting them directly, maybe.
OH MY GOD I REMEMBER THAT.
Me too! I distinctly remember the sandwich. I wonder if maybe it was Sesame Street, instead, given that it doesn’t show up on Wikipedia??
This page mentions a 6-foot sub sandwich: http://www.libraryvideocompany.com/Hotel-Animal-C…
Here’s the episode on Vimeo: http://vimeo.com/6361392
I WAS BUSY GETTING MARRIED BUT THIS IS IT, THIS IS IT, THAT’S ME AT 22:40!!!!!
OK, I guess my other comment is stuck in moderation since it contains links and I’m just a guest. Anyhow, I think the episode is called Hotel Animal and can be found on Vimeo. I googled “hotel animal vimeo” (without the quotes) and it was the first hit.
Ok, I should have gone straight to googling “reading rainbow submarine sandwich”
http://www.libraryvideocompany.com/Hotel-Animal-C…
The books appear to be about big and small things, and there’s a six-foot long submarine sandwich, so unless those were a recurring theme, this is probably it.
The good news is it’s on DVD. The bad news is it’s $30 for one half-hour episode.
I really hope you super-fast snag that footage from the link Linus posted & include your young self eating a sandwich w/ LeVar Burton smiling all ‘mmmm’ after in your wedding video.
(If you don’t have a wedding video, this could be it in its entirety.)
(Also – happy wedding!)
But GUISE did you see him fighting back tears when the kickstarter passed $1m? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-XHuNcSMLc Also, it has since passed $2m and is closing in on $3m!
I CRIED WHEN I WATCHED THE VIDEO BECAUSE LEVAAAAAAAAAAR
I have to go OUT now and I am CRYING and people will LAUGH at me. That’s stupendous.
I love Reading Rainbow and LeVar SO MUCH. I actually saw him in person once! He was behind me line at airport security. I didn’t say anything, though, because 1) just seeing him was pushing me to a Troy-on-Community breakdown and 2) who wants to be approached by a fan while stuck in line at airport security?
I sat next to Stephen Colbert on an airplane once (in economy!). He was with his family and looked tired and out of sorts. We made brief eye contact and I could tell he knew that I knew who he was and he just had this look in his eyes like “please don’t” which is totally understandable. He went to sleep, which really was for the best, because I totally went full Troy.
You showed far more restraint than I would have.
I would have turned to him and said, “Commander La Forge, can you call down to Engineering to see what the hold up is?”
I told my daughter about this and she immediately sang the Reading Rainbow song back to me.
I’m more than happy to fund any little reading idea he might have in mind
There is some kind of shitty article out there (maybe it’s a joke? best case scenario) being all “you probs shouldn’t donate to Reading Rainbow – it was cancelled for being ineffective at teaching reading.” WTF – why are people so awful? Do you hate butterflies (in the sky) and all good things?
It was cancelled because the R’s wanted to divert that money to their corporate buddies in educational testing. No Child Left Behind is one of those names like Committee for Public Safety that is the opposite of what it actually does
Right. No argument on that from me.
FWIW, it’s the WaPo article someone linked below. I just…. of all the things to be snarky and negative about, why this?
I used to teach kids to read. Not little kids,they’re easy. I taught high school kids. Some how, someone had let them down, not just once but for years.So I’d have to teach them that they were capable of learning to read and then teach them to read.And it takes a lot of persuasion, because they did not think that they could. But eventually, they would “get it” and they were so happy! You could tell it meant everything to them and it really changed their behavior and attitude about all of their other classes.They never forgot, either. I’d get stopped at the mall or anywhere for years afterwards and some big tough tattooed guy would yell MRS C!!!! and then tell me everything he was reading
Mrs C, you rule!
Mrs C, you’re awesome. We need a few more Mrs Cs in the world!
this sincerely made my day. you’re great.
Oh man TEARS I am tearing UP right now. What a great story!
THE SHOW WAS NEVER ABOUT TEACHING KIDS *TO* READ IT WAS ABOUT FOSTERING A *LOVE OF READING* WHICH IS JUST AS IF NOT MORE IMPORTANT
oh god deep breaths no ragestrokes
YES. YES YES YES YES YES.
Also, the thing in that article re: focusing on teaching phonics? Are you fucking kidding me? Phonics does not a reader make. NCLB, you suuuuuuuuuck.
Also- reading teacher here – phonics doesn’t work. It’s just a tool. It’s not a solution
You know what DOES work? Sitting with a kid and reading with them,over and over again, until they get it.
Also, spelling in English is very counter intuitive and HARD if you were taught how to spell/read phonically. I mispronounce and misspell all kinds of things now because of elementary school language arts classes.
I am convinced I learned to read only because that was my Dad time when I didn’t have to share his attention with my brother. Still one of my happiest memories.
THIS.
I learned to read when I was four, then when I was five I went to a trial run kindergarten program where they tried to teach me phonics and it almost killed my pride in reading because according to the teacher I had been doing reading stuff all wrong.
PHUCK PHONICS
Oh my god, Reading Rainbow is like comfort food for your brain.
There’s a faculty member here that we actually refer to as Work LeVar Burton because he is wonderful and kind and amazing and if he ever said “I’m disappointed in you” you would have to take like, two personal days to get over it.
New life goal: to become Work LeVar Burton at my company. Which would be a double feat, as I work in kid’s TV.
I fully endorse this life goal. Work LeVar Burtons are the BEST.
TAKE A LOOK; IT’S IN A BOOK
(over and over again in my head)
The first place I heard of this campaign was the Washington Post being all “there are reasons this might not be the best way to improve literacy in kids at this point in time,” so there’s that, but on the other hand it’s Reading Rainbow and it’s not like it’s taking money away from the other kind of literacy programs that are apparently needed, so I will probably send LeVar Burton some money.
How dare you fund a kitten for every lonely orphan when there are people dying of Hopping Fever in Antigua
heh, guess i’m more humanitarian than you and I didn’t have to spend a dime!
Just… death to the idea that any good thing that is not THE SOLUTION TO AND CURE OF ALL THINGS should be dismissed and abandoned. It’s so fucking common these days and I’m so fucking sick of it. “This is good, but while it may help kids like reading it won’t cure testicular cancer, so let’s do absolutely nothing instead.” I’m all for critique and constructive criticism, but so often it’s just “doesn’t solve all problems so not worth doing” and DEATH TO THIS. DEATH. DEATH. DEATH. DEATH.
Man, that article rubbed me the wrong way. (To me,) the whole point of Kickstarter is that individual people get to decide what things they think are worthwhile, rather than one person or a few people getting to have the say on whether or not something is Of Value. Piss off, person who wrote that.
Yeah, I don’t know why some people think Kickstarter must be only ever for underdogs.
Key words: Washington Post.
$101-500 – Donor will receive a telephone call from Mr. Burton. Mr. Burton will call the donor “champ.”
my emotions. MY EMOTIONS. i am so vulnerable to levar burton’s intoxicating positivity.
The first season of Reading Rainbow is on Amazon steaming and is available for free for Prime members. I am currently forcing the spawn to watch the first episode.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But you don’t have to take my word for it.
i am stupid emotional over all of this because i love love love reading rainbow and levar burton. hands down, if i am trying to think of the most perfect television programs out there, reading rainbow is the first to come to mind.
in the 90s, my mom bought a vhs cassette of the bicycle man/taxi dog episode at a garage sale and we still rewatch it at least once a year.
Dang Mallory how am I ever gonna save up $45,003 ?
I hadn’t contributed to the Kickstarter yet–not sure why, maybe I’m a monster–but one look at that tweet and the video and his kind face and my memories, and there we go, donated. I hope the project can be as important to kids as the show was to me. (I wasn’t a reluctant reader anyway, but it made me feel like a part of something.)
I guess I can finally have children now that Reading Rainbow is back.
I’ve given up hope of a Zombie Mr. Rogers coming back to PBS, but at least we’ve still got LaVar.
I avoid getting upset over things I can’t change, but I can’t help feeling A Bit Put Out that I was too old for Reading Rainbow and didn’t even hear about it until I was in college. The second time.
no such thing as too old for reading rainbow!
it’s just…good television. books! stories! incredibly kind and gentle-faced teachers helping you learn about everything from the ny fish market to rollerblading to seeing eye dogs!
in fact, my mother likes to tell the story about how when she was in her early 30s, an acquaintance at a dinner party asked what her favorite television show was, and she answered, entirely sincerely, “mister rogers.”
Well, by “too old,” I meant “waaaaaay past the age of learning-to-read.” I had to learn to read by following my mother’s finger tracing the lines of the books she read to me while we sat at the laundromat, eating peanut M&M’s and drinking red creme soda.
Upon reflection, though, that’s a pretty awesome way to learn to read.
that is a pretty awesome way to learn to read!
i guess i figured reading rainbow was less about learning how to read, and more about fostering a love of reading…which is an enjoyable pursuit at any age 🙂 as are peanut m&ms, i find.
Oh, gosh, I think I still happily watched Reading Rainbow until I was 12? Maybe even older? At a certain point it was something I wouldn’t admit to friends, but if I was home alone and channel surfing as a teen, I’d always happily stop on RR. I saw it less as an educational show and more of a…I dunno, like a book group. There’s LaVar doing something interesting and being kind, there’s some kids talking about books they liked and maybe I’d look up those books at the library. I, luckily, had no problem learning to read, but RR helped me feel good about loving reading. It taught me a love of books was something to be proud of.
I unabashedly watched Mister Rogers Neighborhood every day one semester in college. I had an early morning class, and then I’d rush back to my dorm and turn on PBS to catch him at 9am. Then I’d go to my next class knowing that Mister Rogers thought I was special.
Oh man, that would have been really good for me when I was a depressed college student. (I substituted Bob Ross, since he was on at 3 in the morning and my sleep cycle was too effed up for the morning children’s TV block. That was pretty great too.)
I did too. I have a brother who is five years younger than me and a cousin who is 8 year younger (and grew up down the street), so that was my excuse. But really, I just liked it.
Yes! I was “too old” for RR too but I had Mister Rogers so I turned out okay anyway.
Someone on twitter linked to this Kickstarter veeeery early on Wednesday. At the time, there were only about $30,000 dollars pledged, and I had to look around to make sure that it was real and not a scam, because shit, surely it should already should have had hundreds of thousands of dollars?
Then the work day started in the US and it shot up like CRAZY and things made a lot more sense. Must go pledge more money again mhmm.
Can we take a moment to enjoy how lovely that Kickstarter info video was? Surprise Brent Spiner at the end was so glorious.
I had to watch the video because you commented. 1 – Surprise Brent Spiner was perfect. 2. The entire video was perfect. 3. I audibly gasped when he pulled out the visor. I COULD WEAR THE VISOR.
We totally need Patrick Stewart to pull a surprise appearance too.
“$1001-5000 – Donor will receive a fake college graduation ceremony, from the right school this time, at the end of which Mr. Burton will walk purposefully over to her, place both hands solemnly on her shoulders, look her calmly in the eye and say, “I’m proud of you. You did good.””
Guys, this made me cry, thinking about it. Actual tears! Just think how wonderful it’d be to have LaVar Burton tell you he’s proud of you!
The donor gets to spend a sunny afternoon at the Irwindale Renaissance Faire…and she will know peace.
Sriracha doom clouds permitting.
Agreed.
He did a reddit AMA yesterday, and he was just as lovely and thoughtful as you’d think he would be. http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/26sn1c/im_l…
“Frankly, every day that LeVar Burton lets us keep our money is an act of generosity.” Okay, I thought this was a joke but after reading his reddit AMA, I am a believer. But don’t just take my word for it:
“Whatever it is – genuinely, even if it’s a dollar – it’s making a difference. And that’s the thing – please stop apologizing everybody for only being able to give a dollar! I get it, I know how tight times are – I understand. The fact that you feel it’s important at all to part with your hard-earned cash means the WORLD to me. It means that you’re with us on this, that you’re a part of this. So please, please please, stop apologizing. You’re making a difference, you need to know that. You’re making a difference.”
I’d say that somebody seems to be slicing onions nearby, but PBS means not having to pretend about feelings. My eyes, they are filled with tears of nostalgia and happiness.
My takeaway from all of this:
LeVar Burton directed SMART HOUSE OMGGGGGGG
(also reading rainbow yay!!)
OMG, I have to tell you guys. I listen to books on tape when I do long-distance drives, and I picked up Ken Burn’s Jazz at the library, and OMG LEVAR BURTON WAS THE READER AND IT WAS LIKE MY WHOLE LIFE HAD COME FULL CIRCLE. For your future sobbing needs, LeVar Burton also apparently reads the Audible version of Martin Luther King’s autobiography.
I WAS BUSY GETTING MARRIED BUT THIS IS IT, THIS IS IT, THAT'S ME AT 22:40!!!!!
LeVar Burton was basically God to me when I was four years old – he was Geordi AND he was on Reading Rainbow and there was literally nothing I loved more than Star Trek and books. (I got soooo excited whenever there was a book on the show that I had already read.) My boyfriend and I donated already. Actually when I saw the Kickstarter I basically clung to his arm gibbering and pointing until we decided on an amount
You’d think that LeVar Burton, of all people, would know the meaning of the word “literally”! (“We are *literally* sacrificing our kids!”)
i worked on the new Reading Rainbow app for a couple years. it’s basically animated, fully narrated (about a quarter by LeVar himself) children’s books – which is neat. the Kickstarter campaign is not about bringing back the show, but is about getting the reading app on more platforms (it’s been on the iPad for a while now) and in more schools. as good as it is (and it’s great), and as proud as i am of the work i did on it, you’ll pardon me for not giving them back their money. also, LeVar Burton really is the nicest guy.
Sonja, THANKS for your contribution to that app. I found out about it through the Kickstarter, and I’m glad I did because it is like MAGIC. It is so well-done, and my daughter, who has been struggling in school all year, last night read us THREE books from the app. I can’t say enough about it, it’s transformational.
you are TOTALLY welcome. we were getting comments like yours almost as soon as we went live with the app and they were always the best thing.
My kids, even the tween, go absolutely silent for RR and similar DVDs that are mostly somebody reading a really good book and letting you look at it. When the replacement program, Super Wy, comes on on PBS, all of them, even the four-year-old, whine and tell me to turn off the TV. It’s deadly dull, and, says my early primary child, they always mess up the stories. (Yes, they do.)
SET PHASERS TO LOVE ME
SET PHASERS TO LOVE ME