1. I recently received an email alerting me in the subject heading that my husband had sent me a gift. This wasn’t unusual, this is what people do, find silly things on the internet and sprinkle them into each other’s virtual mailboxes, the cheeky e-cards, the funny animal video, the link to a news article. I’m busy, so I assumed it was something of that ilk and reminded myself to open it later.

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  2. The History of the Royal Houses of Europe, 850-PresentA thousand years ago -- so the legend goes -- God offered the Hapsburgs a choice: "You can have Europe," he told them, "or you can have chins. But you cannot have both." They made their decision, and they were happy with it. When the time came to design their coat of arms, no one could accuse the Hohenzollerns of not knowing their own minds.

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  3. She walks down the alley. Her hand’s in her bag, fingers gripped around her brush. She finds the wall. Kneels, unrolls her handmade poster. Quick swipe of paste on the paper, another on the wall. The poster goes up, then she uses her bare hands to smooth the surface, fingers pressing the paper into cracks. Car lights splash. She turns her face away. Another quick layer of paste once the car is gone,

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  4. There are times in one's life when a person thinks I should see that movie that's out now, the one about the Issues, the one that's very serious. That urge ought to be resisted at all costs. No matter the Issue, no matter how Serious, Futurama has already produced an episode tackling that selfsame topic. The work has been done for you. You need never leave the house again. Instead of: Her You should watch: I Dated…

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  5. “I came to believe that since nobody else dared feed me as I wished to be fed, I must do it myself, and with as much aplomb as I could muster. Enough of hit-or-miss suppers of tinned soup and boxed biscuits and an occasional egg just because I had failed once more to rate an invitation!”

    “Dinner alone is one of life’s pleasures. Certainly cooking for oneself reveals man at his

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  6. Previously: Every French novel ever. 1. Fleeing The Impoverished, Drunken Countryside For Dublin 2. The Estate Decays 3. A Man Laughs Unhappily 4. We Do Not Speak That Name In These Parts, Stranger 5. The Landlord Pays A Visit But Does Not Sit Down 6. The Boy Sickens 7. THE ENGLISH 8. Poor In Material Goods But Rich In Sweeping Vistas Of The Hills And Also The Sea, My Son 9. Do You Know What Would Be Very Sad? So Many Things; Let's…

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  7. ONE DAY MORE: our new hosts needed a little bit more time, so you have one more day to deal with inexplicably locked comment threads and weird vertical ads and the occasional, crushing inability to read our posts.

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    omigod this paragraph quoted in this interview knocked me on my ass for five minutes: When I think back to my home, when there is no one left now, it always seems to…

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  8. Yesterday. Today. Tomorrow. Forever. DON'T LISTEN TO MEN. Don't listen to them in your inbox, don't listen to them with your ears, don't listen to them on television, and don't listen to them in Impressionist masterpieces. Don't do it.

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  9. The lie started with the birth announcement: “We are already very much in love.” This was the script; what we were supposed to feel. We were very much in love, weren’t we?

    It was a hot night in July. I attached two photos—one of me with the baby, one of her with my husband, selected from the 75 or so we’d already taken with our new camera, bought especially for this event, as

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  10. (Artist's rendering of our old hosting provider)

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  11. The old joke goes: What does a lesbian bring on a second date? 

    Answer: A U-haul.

    I’ve heard this rattled off countless times – on television shows, by friends, or even by my wife when she thinks she’s being funny. The joke has been modified over the years (re: the trusty turkey baster), but there’s some truth to the lesbian U-haul mythology. When we love someone, we really love

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  12. Frances is the first to cry. Our Beginning Acting class is seated in a row against the back wall of the rehearsal studio, socked feet stretched before us, notebooks open on our laps. We spend two long mornings a week together in this room, watching our reflections move in the mirrored walls surrounding us: We drop to the polished floor and growl and grunt; volley an invisible ball in the air; shake our limbs

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  13. SOME GOOD NEWS FOR THE CRONES

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    Marc Bolan once had a TV show in the 1970s that ran for six episodes. Here is episode four; as best as I can tell it's just a series of music videos that blur into one another. The name of the show was MARC, which I think is just wonderful.

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    The Supreme Court unanimously struck down the law that bans protestors from going within…

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  14. Excerpts from Figueroa’s Findings on the Habits of Everyday Monsters

    The Earworm (Halicocephalus strepitus) is a microscopic parasite most commonly found in the inner ear of human beings.

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