I have never read or seen The Fault In Our Stars, but that will not stop me from imagining what I hope to God it’s actually like. Without further ado, here are some scenes from a little book-turned-action-trilogy I like to call FAULTY STARS.
[A GIRL enters, coughing blood into a handkerchief]
[A BOY enters, coughing blood into a handkerchief. An accordion plays.]
GIRL: love means never having to say yr sorry
BOY: ill take a walk to remember you
[A STAR CRASHES INTO THE EARTH, KILLING THEM BOTH]
BOY: hey baby whats ur sign
GIRL: i dont understa–
BOY: im a cancer
[they stare directly into the camera, coughing blood]
GIRL [directly to the camera]: dyings no fun, especially when your a teen. life moves pretty fast sometimes, if you don’t stop and look around sometime you might miss it.
[picks up phone] cameron you gotta get out of bed. its my day off.
[A BOY appears in her room]
BOY: theres something wrong with your kids marty!! its the stars
[A GIRL is looking through a telescope of science]
GIRL: oh no that star’s coming straight for us!!
BOY: i have a secret i was really a star in disguise this whole time
[he explodes, killing her]
GIRL: im dying
BOY: no your not
[they make out]
BOY: attaboy Clarence
[a bell rings; 10000 miles above them a star winks]
Mallory is an Editor of The Toast.