hi hi what are you doing i’m very normal and you can trust me
you should trust me
start trusting me right now ok
what’s up what are you doing
you should come over
you should come over and hang out with us definitely
we could drink stuff out of vials together or whatever
hi come over and hang out with us
we won’t drown you at all
i dont even know the first thing about drowning so i definitely couldn’t drown you
look at how much we’re not drowning right now
come over and trust us
heyy hi again hi guys
we thought we’d just come over to you
see what’s up
cool boat this is a super cool boat, what is it, like a sailboat
like a boat for sailing in?
you know what you should come see though
is the ocean
come on we’ll show you it’s very cool, super breathable
what dead girl
i don’t even know what you mean
this girl was here when we got here
she wanted us to stand on her
yeah that was like all she could talk about
“please stand on me”
so don’t worry it’s very normal what we’re doing here
yeah so just drink out of this cup and then something will happen after that i guess
no come on in i’m not busy
or i was busy but i’m finished now
or i mean i will be finished in just a minute
you can take off your coat and sense of foreboding if you want
hey guys hey come on in just come right on in i’m so glad you’re here by yourselves just the two of you
we’re going to have such a good normal time in this cave together
haha you keep saying that word and i’m like
i don’t even know what drowning is!
how do you even say it, droneing? drawning?
just come in the water and you’ll find out some things
hi hey hi i like you
yeah you i like you your face is good
stop being on the land so much come be with me
i can help you breathe under water
none of my boyfriends are riverbank corpses if that’s what you’re worried about
come in i have no plans to turn you into an animal
i have to be telling the truth
see how many men turned into animals i already own???
like why would i need more
my turning men into animal servant days are over swear to god
i don’t know how that snake skin got there but don’t worry about it just keep looking into my eyes and trusting me as hard as you can okay baby??
come over and we’ll do something really fun with your body
fun and normal of course!!
fun but just as importantly, very normal, very regular things
you’ll be able to keep all of your skin
Mallory is an Editor of The Toast.