Home » Artwork » Women Listening To Men In Western Art History Women Listening To Men In Western Art History Mallory Ortberg on June 23, 2014 in Artwork 1559567 Commentshttp%3A%2F%2Fthe-toast.net%2F2014%2F06%2F23%2Fwomen-listening-men-art-history%2FWomen+Listening+To+Men+In+Western+Art+History2014-06-23+14%3A00%3A09Mallory+Ortberghttp%3A%2F%2Fthe-toast.net%2F%3Fp%3D15595 i keep drinking but it’s not making him more interesting what yes i’m still listening you were talking about that i’m just resting my eyes ahhhahahhaha that is so good that is so funny that is so funny and good no I’ve never heard that before from you ahh sorry i just i really need to look at this matchbook right now sorrryyyy mmm for sure no i definitely agree you don’t have to keep arguing because i agree and you’re right so we are on the same we’re the same way, i agree So do you see what I mean yeah i definitely understand because its kind of complicated no I’m with you ill explain it again yayyyyy ahhh again again more playing more music im so glad this turned into a concert even though nobody asked for one yeah it just happened it just happened to all of us ahh sorry but you really can’t move him if he stays there you better not come any closer yeah sorry you better just stay over there where you are right now hooray we’re kissing now that’s the thing that is happening nowchrist is he still behind us i don’t know keep skating oh no i wasn’t doing anything, I’m not busy just talking to all of my friends but I’m so glad we’re doing this now insteadyeah thats terrible i can’t believe he said that wow and after you basically saved the presentation too hang on i just gotta rest my neck for a minute sorry babe you know i can’t hear anything when I’m powdering my nose ill let you know when I’m finished NO REALLY??? GO ONhow can you say that how can you say I’m not paying attention i just took off my clothes and threw the fruit basket to help me focus yeah it’s great it’s really great i just need to take a break from looking at it for a second to look at something else hey hey hey wake up are you asleep or something are you sleeping mm no I’m still listening listening and awake and also listening don’t make eye contact im not im not making eye contact well you’re giving him some sort of encouragement no im not im like lying down well lie down harder “Okay, this next one is called Elegy in Amber” oh my god how many elegies even are there in the world is he going to play all of them right okay so where did he move the boat to next then I just– sorry not quite finished with this matchbook sorry!!! [Images via] Tags: all of these artists are dead i'm not crediting them that would take forever, art history, artwork, having fun at western art history's expense, no babe no i'm still listening, the art of conversation, women listening to men Related PostsMen Starting Unnecessary Conversations In Western Art HistoryThe Greatest Good-Bye In Western Art HistoryDante Casually Running Into Beatrice In Art HistoryMiserable Tambourine Players In Western Art HistoryMen Wearing A Military Helmet And Nothing Else In Western Art HistoryKing Solomon Getting Peer Pressured By His Babely Wives About Author by Mallory Ortberg Mallory is an Editor of The Toast. 15595Latest Commentshttp%3A%2F%2Fthe-toast.net%2F2014%2F06%2F23%2Fwomen-listening-men-art-history%2FWomen+Listening+To+Men+In+Western+Art+History2014-06-23+14%3A00%3A09Mallory+Ortberghttp%3A%2F%2Fthe-toast.net%2F%3Fp%3D15595 EPWordsnatcher <img src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_dYWkGeOtjNY/S9VZo1MfPjI/AAAAAAAAAaQ/F8CnovGf2no/s1600/16185_A_Bar_at_the_Folies-Bergere_f.jpg"> do go on, it's not like I have other customers to deal with aravisthequeen "Oh, you want to talk about your girlfriend? I have not heard any of that today, by all means carry on." JocastaCarr Ahahahaha, oh man, the number of times I have had this conversation: "So do you see what I mean yeah i definitely understand because its kind of complicated no I’m with you ill explain it again" Hahahaha. Haha. Ha. NotBob SO MANY TIMES. aravisthequeen That really lovely painting of the woman in the white dress with the flowers and the annoying dude behind her? Whoever painted that has captured the exact expression of "Oh yes, I see you there talking to me, rudely interrupting me while I was talking to my friends, but I am too well-bred and polite to exhibit my true irritation, so I will just give you a 'Hmm?' look of vague interest, and then I will cut you off so sweetly and politely that I will be in the next room before you even know what happened. Carry on then." Just_a_Dinosaur This painting…do you see the man in the background? Underneath the candles of the chandelier? Toasties, he's looking directly at you with that bemused expression. Do you think he knows? He knows. winterbymorning The women in the painting with the puppy look like they're having an amazing time, but not as amazing as the bonnet on that lady in the second-to-last. Daaaaaang. Silver Deer <img src="http://ichef.bbci.co.uk/arts/yourpaintings/images/paintings/ng/624×544/ng_ng_ng1100_624x544.jpg"> yes, yes, very interesting. very interesting for sure. you know way more than we do about this (picture is this <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/arts/yourpaintings/paintings/an-interior-with-three-women-and-a-seated-man-114312)” target=”_blank”>http://www.bbc.co.uk/arts/yourpaintings/paintings/an-interior-with-three-women-and-a-seated-man-114312) Silver Deer <img src="http://ichef.bbci.co.uk/arts/yourpaintings/images/paintings/bmgh/624×544/wyr_bmgh_74_1953_4_624x544.jpg"> i am going to kill you haha ask her about the time she went to the woods and found a dead body it'll be your dead body if you aren't careful yeah she ate her last boyfriend (picture <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/arts/yourpaintings/paintings/man-flirting-with-two-women-outside-a-cottage-23676)” target=”_blank”>http://www.bbc.co.uk/arts/yourpaintings/paintings/man-flirting-with-two-women-outside-a-cottage-23676) sorrycassandra Snarky Knitting Woman is my new hero. Grim Probably because he did. CordeliaFitz My favorite Art Trope at the moment is "Consumptive Woman Gazes Languidly (at a man probably, but maybe also into middle distance)." Shalalas <img src="http://www.artcyclopedia.org/art/john-singer-sargent-nonchaloir.jpg" alt="Sargent"> CordeliaFitz Nailed it! EPWordsnatcher <img src="http://www.jssgallery.org/Biography/MadameXa.jpg"> (Madame X is maybe not as languid as she could be) EPWordsnatcher <img src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_CvDCiEFbNy8/TOFD_VGUsfI/AAAAAAAAcgk/m8VzGP9Uyb0/s1600/Robert%2BJenkins%2BOnderdonk%2B%2528American%2Bpainter%252C%2B1852-1917%2529%2BMrs%2BE%2BB%2BChandler%2Bin%2BHer%2BRoom%2Bc%2B1899.jpg"> Katethekate I really like this one in a 'how do I make my apartment look like this and also I need more robes' kind of way – do you know who it's by? geeblaster Yo it's Mrs. E.B. Chandler in Her Room, by Robert Jenkins Onderdonk, painted in 1889. leider_hosen oh no i wasn’t doing anything, I’m not busy just talking to all of my friends but I’m so glad we’re doing this now instead ahahaha oh god, amazing, a+ forever Yarnybarny well you’re giving him some sort of encouragement no im not im like lying down well lie down harder Yep. Yepyepyep. Jen See how many elegies are there?! :D :D so good. victorytasteslikehashbrowns I cant decide which is more genius, the matchbox or the fruit bowl. Anyway your know youre stuck in a bad conversation when you have to mentally play games to keep your eyes open. littlehuntingcreek <img src="http://www.kusadasi.tv/wp-content/uploads/athena1.jpg"> "Hey babe, can you make me a sandwich?" Oh sure, I'm not leaving on an important appointment and you're not an able bodied adult with two hands. Abanthis And he IS already wearing an apron. safvn Sometimes I also feel I need to throw things to continue listening. ArsenioB_Ham "I don't know, keep skating" is pretty much my life's motto. perianwen I think that skating one is my favourite in this bunch. rat_paws The lady drinking with the mustache man put on that lipstick thinking of all the other men that might be at the cafe. There's probably a group of younger men across the room and she'll give the hottest one her card later. edit: related: i want to be that lipstick lady Shalalas [White] Women Listening to Men in [Western] Art History. malloryelis Oh, yeah, this is definitely a Western European art history series, I'll fling that into the tags. SOMETHING ABOUT BEING A WESTERN EUROPEAN PAINTER lends one to not noticing whether or not women are bored in conversation, go figure. Shalalas Thanks. malloryelis We are going to have series of women of ALL WALKS OF LIFE, from EVERY NATION ON THIS EARTH, being bored to tears by dudes talking in paintings. This is my solemn promise to you all. littlehuntingcreek Sadly (or happily, depending on your point of view) there is no shortage of examples of men boring the heck of of women of all ages,races and walks of life. malloryelis I could probably come up with a series of "White Ladies Interrupting Non-White Ladies" too, this might never end Finisterre Please, please make this happen. This reduced me to tears when i first read it, and I've just shared it and read it again – and yep, helpless with laughter for the second time. I was just thinking this morning that I bet there are some cracking examples in Chinese and Japanese art in particular! Also, you are the awesomest. Fricken hilarious. Scandyhoovian christ is he still behind us Aaaaand I'm dead. Don't bother reviving me unless there are more of these art thingies to look at. geeblaster <img src="http://media-3.web.britannica.com/eb-media/32/27032-004-C7D9E835.jpg"> oh look, something over there of course it's not more interesting than you it's just such a soothing visual accompaniment to your talking MrT This cracked me up. ajohnny why is there so much absinthe everywhere and all the time. literaltrousersnake Helps with coming up with something new to look at, without seeming rude, so long as you're okay with it being green. malloryelis french impressionists loved two things: green liquor that tastes like candy and boring women to death dcbees What gets me is that these are, by and large, painted by men. Which means THEY NOTICE but continue to do it anyway. Silver Deer I think they may believe those expressions are coy, flirtatious or modest. After all, so few men can accept that someone might – GOD FORBID – find them dull. littlehuntingcreek or maybe they do NOT notice at all! They have never seen an interested expression in their lives; therefore they think that this IS the interested expression. tubatoothpaste "It is inconceivable to me that anyone would be bored by all the interesting things I have to say" – dudes, since forever Unreadaethel Alternately, they notice women's disinterest, and they think it's adorable. Narvi Why stop? What else are we going to do with our time? Become better people? Bah! Aletheia Thorne Perhaps the men who paint these pictures are not the same men who continue to do this. Or perhaps I'm overly optimistic and men really are that oblivious. sallyannie The artist is interested in the female subject himself? Pointing out that she is bored with her conversation and that he is artistic, perceptive and interested in her. Artists so have a reputation to uphold! theharpoon and here's the rest of #15: "how can you say that how can you say I’m not paying attention i just took off my clothes and threw the fruit basket to help me focus but seriously, has anyone seen my nipple?" deitybox DAT BUSTLE THO Megano! Man, I wish that bustles were still fashionable sometimes. #pancakebuttreporting Laura Kozak Gurl. I have to do squats otherwise my keister is so non-existent my bones start to hurt from sitting. And there's few things more mortifying than telling someone you're walking funny because you sat for too long. #ConcaveCaboose pinkjaguarshark These women are too sarcastically apologetic to the men. Where are my lush bitches? Unreadaethel Picking flowers furiously. Clovis Sangrail The Dutch do not let you down. http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-v8VnPbxj_Zg/UK2r2Pd288I… http://www.essentialvermeer.com/dutch-painters/co… Megano! I have definitely made every single one of these faces in the 5 (almost 6 yuck) years I spent with my ex-boyfriend. INCLUDING the sleepy ones, because he always liked to make me look at stuff while I was drowsy off medication and heading to bed, and then he'd get mad when I wouldn't get excited. Also do you think in the one with the dog they've trained that dog to distract men so they'll stop stop talking? I need to train my dog to do this. Dr LadyBusiness That naked bathing lady, man. The idea that she just had a near-psychotic break due to how boring those dudes are is honestly the most reasonable explanation I can think of for that scene. Blackwell ha! so true, so true Chloe this needs to be a tumblr. I never want it to end. Miss Jane That guy eyeing the bustle. Dude, it's a wire framework. You are literally lusting over scaffolding. Jeanette Mattea Maybe that's why men were not included in woman's toilet and dressing routines—even if they were married! Esteban Yes, Leonardo, it was a funny story. See, I'm smiling? No, really I am. Alan Altimont Love all these, but the seventh one is, I'm afraid, all women–especially the lyre player. You just dissed Sappho! That's her rockin' out her women's academy on Lesbos. ingrid Sorry Alan, that's Sappho listening to Alcaeus. A man. http://art.thewalters.org/detail/10245/sappho-and… odette nicholson finally a meaningful explanation for The Picnic (Le dejeuner sur l'herbe) – Claude Monet Paintings — always wondered about the nudity thing…:) silverfoxaa This is my go to thing when i want/need a certain laugh!! all truly funny!!