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Home: The Toast

“Zac Efron and Michelle Rodriguez have finally confirmed rumours they are dating after they were pictured kissing on holiday in Sardinia. The 26-year-old hunk and the raven-haired beauty enjoyed a PDA as they cosied up to one another on a yacht.”

zefron1

“Let us perform kissing. I’ll just, then — I’ll just haunch over you — like so — knee abutting your human breast, as is traditional, and cover your mouth with my mouth thusly…now.”

zefron2

“Now we’re finished. The kissing is accomplished.”

zefron3

“And then I touch you…where do I touch you?”

“I’m not sure. The flanks?”

“As my woman, as the woman, legally what parts of you belong to my touching? Below the carapace, or…?”

“I don’t have a carapace.”

“Oh, don’t you?”

“I don’t think so. How about here, above the pubis, one hand on each side as a sort of torsal framing device?”

“Oh, that works just fine. I could rest my hands here for hours.”

“Your leg is touching mine.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Is this better?”

Your leg was touching mine.”

zefron4

“We’re touching now, you and I.”

“Even so.”

zefron5

“I’m having such a good time, I have to go away for a minute, because of the good time that I’m having.”

“Should I come with you?”

“No. No. I need…I need to crawl by myself for a little bit, okay? I just need to crawl away, into the sea.”

“Okay. Have fun. I love you.”

“Yes, that’s right.”

zefron6

“I HAVE CRAWLED TO THE SKY.”

“Is this normal behavior, of the human female in love?”

“Yes. People will recognize this as love.”

“Should I come up there too?”

“No. I can love you better from up here, alone.”

zefron7

“I’m having so many good times all at once now. It’s hard to tell from my face, but that’s…this is good, what is happening to me now.”

zefron8

“Are you all right there, in the water?”

“Don’t come into the water when I’m in the water.”

“Oh. I’m sorry. Should I — should I wait back on the boat?”

Don’t come into the water when I am in the water.”

“This is a good relationship we have, you and I.”

“We do have one, don’t we?”

“Oh, assuredly we do.”

“Get back on the boat, now.”

“All right. Okay.”

[Images via The Daily Mail, YES THE DAILY MAIL SHUT UP]

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