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strongYour female characters are so strong they’re flexing their way out of the written word, ripping the cover of your book apart, and leaping off the page to bench press unsuspecting readers.

Your female characters are so strong their hugs hurt. “Don’t,” your other, softer characters say, stepping back, when your strong female characters try to greet them. “I’m happy to see you. But — don’t.”

Your female characters are so strong they split their kneecaps yesterday at the squat rack in the gym.

Your female characters are so strong they can draw out leviathan with an hook, and his tongue with a cord which they letteth down; they can put an hook into his nose, and bore his jaw through with a thorn; he will make many supplications unto them, he will speak soft words unto them; he will make a covenant with them, and they will take him for a servant for ever. They will play with him as with a bird, and bind him for thy maidens.

Your female characters are so strong they’re kidnapping characters from other, better books and dragging them into their own scenes to liven up the dialogue.

strong2Your female characters are so strong that Brutus’ idle threats pass by them as an idle wind, which they respect not.

Your female characters are so strong that when they rear from off the Pool their mighty Stature; on each hand the flames are driven backward, slope their pointing spires, and rowld in billows, leave i’th’ midst a horrid Vale. Then with expanded wings they stear their flight aloft, incumbent on the dusky Air.

Your female characters are so strong that they play harder than they work, then work harder than they last played.

Your female characters are so strong they’ve developed stress fractures and tendonitis as a result of overtraining. Your female characters are so strong they’re developing microtears in their muscle fibers and have been advised by their doctors to take it easy for the next few weeks.

Your female characters are so strong they’re capable of asexual reproduction. Every one of your female characters has spawned seventeen unbelievably strong daughters. All of them have the same name.

Your female characters are so strong that if you strike them down now, they will become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.

Your female characters are so strong they read ahead to the last page, barked ‘I DON’T LIKE THIS ENDING,’ and moved the ink around to change the final lines.

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