1. Will the Cod Return, Or Must We Move to Toronto?
2. Only the Jews Know Montreal
3. The Next Three Chapters Are Set in the 1830s Bush For No Reason But Then We’ll Be Back to This 1970s University Women’s Studies Department
4. She Briefly Considers Moving to the States For Her Career But Then Realizes She Must Stay With Her People
5. O Cabbagetown!
6. I Remember When There Was LOADS of Cod and We Played Scottish Reels to Entertain Ourselves
7. In Which Blondes From Westmount Fail to Sleep With You
8. This Children’s Toy That Holds Great Meaning For You Will Be Broken Like Your Spirit
9. You Thought It Was Me Talking To You, But It’s Been My Sister All Along, I Am Dead Because of a Man
10. Magical Realism But It’s Just Gothic Southern Ontario Having, Like, Two Magical Elements
11. Things Are Kind of English Here But Not For Everyone
13. Sex Farm Woman: All of These Albertan Crops Are Metaphors For My Empty, Yearning Vagina
14. We Forgot to Include an Incestuous Backstory But That’s What the Second 1200 Pages Are For
15. Will the Grasshoppers Move On, Or Must We Move to Toronto?
16. You Have Stolen My Heart and Will Now Steal the Deed to Our Land While I Sleep, Handsome American
17. You Think You Could Have Toughed It Out In the Bush? You Can’t Even Make Butter Tarts From Scratch
18. This Novel Has Been Specifically Written to Prove That Canadian Literature Is Worthy of Your Attention Now Give It To Me
19. Arctic Foxes and Prairie Dogs I Have Met Or At Least Read About
20. I’m Going to Reform These Sex Workers and It’s Not Going to Make Me Question My Own Convictions In the Slightest
21. Things Get Worse and Then You Have an Illegitimate Child With a Man From Outremont Who Doesn’t Really Love You
22. It Doesn’t Really Matter, You Can Tell By the Emily Carr Painting on the Cover That This Novel Is Important
23. A Woman Has Sex With a Bear or a Unicorn And No One Thinks This Is Particularly Odd
24. The Cry of the Loon Echoes the Cry of My Heart Which Is as Stony as the Land I Attempt to Till
Nicole is an Editor of The Toast.