Carrie Frye, knowing my fondness for the lurid and the gory, pointed me towards this old New Yorker story (which you seem to be able to access!) by Joanna Greenfield about being mauled by a hyena, and it is everything you thought it could be and more:
First, let’s get some mandated paid maternity leave in this country, because trying to establish a decent supply of breastmilk that can then be maintained by pumping on the breaks your employer is technically supposed to give you but GOOD LUCK WITH THAT if you have a crap job and are hesitant to agitate for the rights you may only be hazily aware you possess is REALLY HARD, then we can see how it goes. Also, if you deliver a full-term baby and live in a country with clean water, there is nothing wrong with formula and your baby will be just fine and I am willing to come to your house and make you cups of tea and reassure you about that in person. Breastfeeding rates in the United States are a structural failure, not a personal one, and family values are a goddamn JOKE. Or, honestly, you might have all the education and resources and will in the world, and it might just not happen for you, and thank God you live in a time where strict nutritional standards are applied to any formula sold in stores. Okay! Anyway. No strong feelings here.
Also, formula is really, really expensive, so here’s my helpful guide to get more of it for FREE. Basically, formula companies have one goal and one goal only: to get your kid established with THEIR brand of formula (bc switching is a pain and you usually have to do it gradually) so they will send you massive sample packages in hopes that you will start using theirs and then just keep doing it. Now, since, again all formula in the US is required to meet exactly the same nutritional standard, there is really no goddamn difference. So pick one. Let’s say Enfamil! I want you to go their website, and request their mailings to a dumb email address you rarely check, and GIVE THEM YOUR PHYSICAL MAILING ADDRESS and they’ll send you stuff. Whole packages of formula, and tons of coupons. Ask your best friend to do it for you. Ask your aunt. Ask your kid sister. If you’re just the friend of a new or pregnant mom, quietly do it on her behalf (always to your address, obvi)! The company doesn’t care that you’re not the mom, they leave “other” as an option, bc THEY JUST WANT TO PUSH PRODUCT. And then, if she uses formula, give it to her. If she doesn’t, HOOOOOORAY, take it to a women’s shelter! You have now robbed the rich to feed the tiny. Ugh, even if you don’t know someone who’s pregnant, you should do it and then give formula to shelters.
Also, because Obama, if you have health insurance they have to get you a breast pump now, and they cost a FORTUNE, so call your insurance provider in your third trimester and ask them what to do.
TEAM CAROLINE. TEAM RIGHTEOUSNESS.
AN ORAL HISTORY OF GALAXY QUEST:
Dean Parisot (director): At the risk of sounding pretentious, there are a whole lot of themes playing in there. The movie needed to begin as a mockery and end as a celebration. That’s a hard thing to do. Part of the mission for me was to make a great “Star Trek” episode.
George Takei (as quoted on SciFi.com in 1999): [“Galaxy Quest” is] a chillingly realistic documentary.
Some of these crowd-sourced tales of getting (non-sexually) lucky are AMAZING.
The new “Dear White People” trailer is out:
The Femilisk, of course, is very real.
