Last year, when we were looking for the goth tech who would eventually become our beloved Maria, I think I went through about thirty applications, had four or five pleasant phone calls with possible applicants, and responded to everyone who applied in an hour or two.
Currently I have 720 applications in my inbox. I am overwhelmed with emails and with love for this many weirdos who want to work with us. After 3:00 PST this afternoon, The Toast will be closed to further applications (because I have 720 applications in my inbox), so be sure to fling your resume at us in the next few hours if you’ve been delaying for any reason.
I know how unbelievably tense it feels, waiting to hear back from someone after you’ve applied for a job, and I want you to know I’m going to do my best to go through the applications thoughtfully and respond in as timely a fashion as I possibly can. Soon you will have a new mistress, terrible and beautiful as the sun.
(Confidential to Nick: Can we hire everyone? Like, everyone has the job for one week a year, or we pay everyone 1/720th of the original salary we were planning on offering? I’m open to suggestions.)
Mallory is an Editor of The Toast.