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Home: The Toast

– It’s the future and they take your thumbs when you get divorced

– Evil car culture

– A man discovers Fargo was real

– A man discovers where the feminists bury the bodies, is killed

– A man who prefers rap music to Creedence is doomed

– A knitting circle accidentally casts a spell

– Postman gets stuck in yard with angry dog, forever

– An old man finally buys a smartphone. Smartphone psychic, dispensing terrible omens

– A joyriding punk discovers a muscle car made out of muscle

– Jim Morrison only person to show up to Doors fan’s birthday party. Surprise: He’s the grim reaper, fan is dead.

– An old woman speaks in ominous gibberish

– A woman switches coffee brands – terrible consequences

– A cloud of smoke looks like an animal, briefly

– Maine is full of sadists

– A man addicted to nostalgia

– Texas is full of sadists, with trite nicknames

– An old jukebox won’t stop playing Creedence

– A milkman keeps seeing a cow down the road from his house

– A lonely man with a whimsical job falls in love with his phone

– The malt shop seems so innocent… and yet

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John W. Thompson is a graduate student at the University of Colorado at Denver. He lives there with his houseplant and record collections.

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