Things Everyone Else Is Better At Than You

6a00e54ed9ed5388330162fd69dd5e970d-800wi1. Getting all the meat off the rotisserie chicken.

2. Figuring out how to make coffee with a new machine.

3. Keyboard shortcuts.

4. Using a responsible amount of paper towel.

5. Positioning the car next to the take-out window so you need not half-emerge on foot to retrieve your coffee.

6. Positioning the car next to the gas pump so you can both exit your vehicle with ease and reach your tank with the nozzle.

7. Changing sexual positions with leonine grace.

8. Flossing.

9. Knots.

10. Walking in high heels.

11. Interacting in a dignified way with ex-partners.

12. Knowing who to tip.

13. Having the correct number of bras.

url-114. Purchasing a strapless bra.

15. Packing for a trip.

16. Hanging pictures.

17. Interacting in a dignified way with people you do not enjoy but occasionally have to spend time with.

18. Oversharing within the boundaries of “charmingly frank” without verging into “mildly unsettling.”

19. Helping someone back up their car with arm gestures.

20. Predicting which fabrics will result in pitted-out shirts.

21. Mailing in rebate coupons.

22. Diligently checking your credit card statements for errors.

23. Having the correct cell phone plan.

Screen Shot 2014-08-19 at 2.38.50 PM24. Comprehending parking signs.

25. Brushing your hair without tearing it.

26. Menstruating.

27. Holding back tears.

28. Letting things go.

29. Not taking things personally.

30. Genuinely enjoying live theater without being riddled with anxiety for the actors.

31. Smiling enthusiastically when your host announces you will be playing a game.

32. Gracefully moving an overly-intense dog’s nose away from your junk while the owner says “oh, [dog’s name]” ineffectually.

32. Doing so without making the dog think you don’t love him.

33. Knowing if songs on the radio you look forward to are good or not.

34. Remembering to wear earrings regularly enough that you don’t have to semi-re-punch the holes every six months.

35. Thinking the correct amount about the inevitability of your own death and the sure deaths of everyone you hold dear, so that you are neither insensible nor callous to the transient beauties and joys of this mortal world, nor incapacitated by that knowledge such that all actions you take are weighted with panic and fear and the anticipation of loss.

36. Tax preparation.

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