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Home: The Toast

cleopatra

babe what is it
what’s wrong
nothing
are there not enough leopard skins
i mean
if you call just two enough

cleopatra3

and here is your royal chair
no furs on it i see
just linens and gold
that’s fine, that’s fine

is that a problem?
well you clearly didnt think it was a problem
so i guess it’s not a problem
is it

cleopatra4

why do i only have a stone lion for my LEFT HAND
what am i supposed to do with my right hand
besides BE DISAPPOINTED

cleopatra5

okay now shut up and give me that leopard skin

cleopatra7

if i had ENOUGH leopard skins right now then i would have TOLD YOU TO STOP BRINGING THEM
so unless you hear me say i have enough
keep fucking piling them on me

cleopatra8

i don’t know
they died really fast
can you bring me someone who doesn’t die so fast when you put knives in them

or something with noodles
honestly i would fucking kill for something with noodles in it right now

cleopatra9

no i’m fucking thrilled to be pouring your mead
i went to Bryn Mawr so this is a perfectly appropriate use of my skillset
i think all queens should moonlight as barmaids
the crown makes us so easy to spot in the feasting-hall

cleopatra10

keep ’em coming

cleopatra12

yeah that’s
that’s nice i guess
do you have anything bigger or more diamond-y
like this, but a giant diamond?

cleopatra14

darling
why is this man talking to me
he doesn’t have any jewels on
i like his furs but he doesn’t have any jewels on
so why is he talking at me

cleopatra18

so this is your whole kingdom
yeah?
there’s not
more of it
that i missed seeing?
just statues of lions instead of regular lions, i see
no it’s good
it’s good
it’s good you only have that

cleopatra19

I CAN STILL SEE PART OF MY FACE
WHAT PART OF “I WANT MY ENTIRE BODY COATED IN GOLD” WAS UNCLEAR TO YOU

cleopatra20

fine, kill the harpist
we’ll still be bored after he’s dead and then there won’t be anyone left to play the harp
but go for it, maybe it’ll cheer us up

cleopatra21

oh my goddd thank god you’re here
turns out the amount of actual time you can enjoy yourself on a “pleasure barge” is like
three days, max
also i think everyone else is dead now
let’s get out of here

cleopatra22

i like dont want to be rude or anything
but me and this dog are kind of hanging out right now
so

cleopatra23

I NEED MORE PELTS
I COULD BE WEARING SO MANY MORE PELTS

cleopatra24

if someone doesnt move this crown on my lap to my head right now im going to fucking scream 

cleopatra25

i thought we were going to cover the whole harp in roses
but if these were all the roses you could find
i guess that doesn’t have to ruin everything

cleopatra26

hey girls i have a fun idea
try playing something good
just for a change
just to see what it would be like

cleopatra27

god
i fucking hate reading

cleopatra28

this isn’t really doing it for me anymore
do you want me to tell them to dance faster
no
i want them to dance better
jesus
this is a nightmare
i didnt say stop

cleopatra29

youre the only one i can trust
you and this leopard skin on the floor
the only ones i can trust

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