Jesse Berney’s previous work for The Toast can be found here.

Gotham Citizen #1: Did you see the news about that guy who dresses like a bat, wears sophisticated body armor, drives a military-grade vehicle, and beats up criminals?

Gotham Citizen #2: I did! Did you see that magazine profile of Bruce Wayne?

Gotham Citizen #1: You mean the young billionaire defense contractor who mysteriously disappeared for several years with no explanation?

Gotham Citizen #2: Yes, the one who returned to Gotham not long before this so-called Batman appeared.

Gotham Citizen #1: I did see that! So who do you think this “Batman” is?

Gotham Citizen #2: I wish I knew.

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