Skip to the article, or search this site

Home: The Toast

snakeHoliness Movement

MONK #1: all right
you read the Bible
right?
MONK #2: right
MONK #1: whole thing?
MONK #2: A to done
MONK #1: okay whatd you get out of it
MONK #2: we should touch snakes
MONK #1: really?
yeah
touch em up a bunch
MONK #1: anything else
MONK #2: mm
mostly just the snakes

 

Church of England 

MONK #2: whats that one church there is already
MONK #1: what?
MONK #2: what’s the one church we all have
MONK #1: the Catholic Church?
MONK #2: yeah
MONK #1: what about it?
MONK #2: lets do the same thing but just of England
MONK #1: why would we do that
MONK #2: to
for making the king’s divorce
MONK #1: so the same
except for there’s divorce?
MONK #2: yeah
MONK #1: so is it okay of all divorce
MONK #2: no
what?
no
just the one
don’t get carried away
just the one is fine

 

Anabaptists

MONK #1: you finished the Bible right
MONK #2: yeah pretty much
MONK #1: gimme the gist of it
MONK #2: mmmm
MONK #1: like what will we do that’s different from everyone else
MONK #2: oh
don’t get kids wet
MONK #1: what
MONK #2: like we can only get adults wet
don’t put your kids in water
no wet babies

 

Nondenominational/Evangelical

MONK #1: what are we going to do with all these extra screens
and projectors
and PowerPoint slides
MONK #2: i have an idea

 

Waldensians

MONK #1: where do we stand on the matter of ecclesiastical o–
MONK #2: CLOGS
MONK #1: what
MONK #2: EVERYBODYS GOTTA WEAR CLOGS

 

Pentecostals

MONK #1: all right a brand new church
what do you want to do
MONK #2: i think we should find out how God talks
and talk that way
MONK #1: what do you mean
MONK #2: i think we should find out what language God uses when we’re not around
and use it back at him
MONK #1: why would we do that
can’t he already understand what we’re saying
MONK #2: i dunno
be polite
show an interest in where he comes from
i think itd be nice
i think hed appreciate it
MONK #1: ok
MONK #2: also if youre praying in church
you should fall down

 

Methodists

MONK #1: all right we’re gonna start a new denomination
throw off the corruption of the Anglican clergy
what are we about
what do we value
MONK #2: CAN WE HAVE CHURCH OUTSIDE
MONK #1: i
what?
MONK #2: IT’S REALLY NICE OUT
CAN WE HAVE PREACHING OUTSIDE

 

Unitarian Universalists

Monk #2: im tired
are you tired
MONK #1: yeah im tired
MONK #2: do you want to just stop
MONK #1: yeah
should we do anything for this one
MONK #2: no
sure
whatever
we’ll finish it later
lets go get root beer floats
MONK #1: ok

$
Select Payment Method

Loading ...

Personal Info

Donation Total: $1.00

Add a comment

Skip to the top of the page, search this site, or read the article again

(Close this.)