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Pulled Pork on Abortion Rye-ts:

A pig raised lovingly in the care of two lesbians, fed a proper diet and allowed to roam the backyard to their cottage in Sunset. This pig was put down under the full moon, in view of the goddess and has been marinated and prepared for your pleasure. Served on artisanal, gluten free, vegan, rye bread with pages from Judith Butler’s books as napkins.

The Reuben Bader Ginsburg:

Made of actual hunks of Supreme Court justice man meat, consume the men who have been ruling against your rights! Layer of Scalia’s Bologna draped in Swiss cheese so full of holes it will remind you of John Roberts’ arguments on every issue, and drizzled with a reduction sauce of Clarence Thomas’ pure sexual misconduct. This sandwich has a 4 star review from Feminist Food magazine with the review “why didn’t we think of eating these bastards sooner?” Served on a Kaiser roll.

The Vagitarian:

So delicious it will end up all over your lap, our delicious Sapphic sandwich will remind you of the delicate petals of Georgia O’Keefe whilst giving you the sustenance of bell hooks. Can be ordered vegan upon request.

Beyoncé:

“Feminist. The person who believes in the social, political and economic equality of the sexes.”

(Make it a Combo for $2)

7 Layers of Enthusiastic Consent Nachos:

Yes please, no thank you, is this okay, please let me know if you’re uncomfortable, would you like ____, I really like it when _____, topped with queso and jalapenos.

Emmeline Liverwurst:

Much like the suffragettes of old, liverwurst is a classic. Coated in aioli and mustard, ornamented with cowberries, mushrooms, and capers, the Emmeline Liverwurst is served as an open face sandwich so that you’re constantly aware that you’re being faced with profound gendered injustice.

Orange is not the Only Glaze:

Papaya-glazed chicken sandwich on a sesame seed bun, the perfect sandwich to enjoy while contemplating heteronormative reality and trying to explain genderqueerness to your cis, suburban, white mother.

Patriarchy Lobster Tail:

Coming with complimentary hammer for smashing, these freshly caught bottom feeders will remind you of every internet troll in a fedora whilst arming you the tools to break their computers until they learn how to behave like decent human beings.

The Clam Roll: 

New England, the hotbed for all things freezing, humid, and caustic gives us the beauty that is the clam roll. It tastes like a Smith College grad student but with the subtlety of an Ivy League graduation rate, this no nonsense, no frills sandwich is served on a white roll with iceberg lettuce.

(Offer to your vegetarian friends if you want a two hour rant about how sea creatures aren’t vegetables and the environmental raping of mother earth through agribusiness.)

A Vindication of the Rights of Breakfast Burrito:

Scrambled eggs, sausage, potatoes, and hot peppers in tortilla. Slathered in Pain and Suffering hot sauce with a side of Not All Men salsa.

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Donation Total: $1.00

Lauren Parker lives in Oakland with her cat Fred Astaire. Her work has been published in In My Bed Magazine, Glass Mountain, Main Street Rag, and Plain China. You can follow her on Twitter.

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