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Home: The Toast

Somebody you have never met has been nursing a grudge against you for years.

You are tapping a sheaf of papers and looking smug.

You have no trouble balancing your career as a prosecutor with your career as a rock star.

The writhing of a mascot disturbs you.

You must do things in a particular order. If you try to do things out of order, you will find empty restaurants and deserted streets. Everyone you want to talk to will be away from their desks until you resign yourself to doing things in the proper order. You will only know what the proper order is only once things start happening again.

Your mother has taken a false name and hidden herself from you. You will never question or complain about this decision.

You are, unexpectedly, German.

You have no trouble balancing your career as a convicted murderer with your career as a prosecutor.

Somebody who is not you and whom you have never met has a set of bodily reactions and facial expressions hauntingly similar to yours.

People always make fun of your hair.

A woman is behaving in an outwardly seductive manner. She is a criminal or a liar.

You are wearing garments redolent of a more gracious past, and nobody makes fun of you for it. Your cravat is too elegant.

Somewhere in the room is a clue.

Nobody gets your name right; this is supposed to be hilarious.

An older woman pines for you.

Sometimes your limited set of facial expressions is no match for the complicated emotions you are experiencing, and you resort to staring, slack-jawed, as beads of sweat run down your face.

You have strong feelings about a television show starring samurais.

Your childhood best friend is an emotionally unstable liar. Nobody ever gets his name right, either. This is also supposed to be hilarious.

You are whipping people. Whip, whip, whip, whip, whip. They shriek and complain, but although you are very young and they are older and theoretically more powerful, no-one ever tries to take the whip away from you.

Your mistakes can all be undone, and when undone will be as if never made. Carelessness, inattention, blind stupidity, all of that can be erased in an instant and the day starts over, fresh and new. You have tasks to complete. Complete them in the proper order.

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