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cumberbatch

Password incorrect. Please try again.

cumberbatch

Password incorrect. Please try again.

Cumberbatch1

Password incorrect. Forgotten password?

Yes.

Please enter new password. Your new password must contain at least six letters and one number.

cumberbatch2

Error. Your new password must not contain duplicates of any letters and the number of characters in your new password must be divisible by eight.

cumbergath123456

Error. Your new password must have at least one upper case letter and at least three, but not more, lower case letters.

CUMBERGath123456

Error. As well as containing no duplicates of letters, at least three (but no more than three) lower case letters, at least one upper case letter, six letters, one number, and being divisible by eight, your new password must also contain at least one exclamation of joy.

CUMBERGath12345HALELUYAH

Error. We said there must be no duplicates of letters in your new password. In addition, there must be no religious proselytism.

CUMBERGath12345WO000000!

Error. Your new password must also contain the word ‘spoon’. The rule regarding duplicates of letters is temporarily suspended for the word ‘spoon’.

CUMBERSPOONGath12345WO0!

Error. Your new password must also contain an ellipsis at an unexpected juncture.

CUMBERSPOONGath123…WO0!

Error. Your new password must also contain the title of an Ian McEwan novel.

CUMBERSPOONCLOUDATLASGath123…WO000000!

Error. Cloud Atlas is a David Mitchell novel.

CUMBERSPOONTHECEMENTGARDENGath123…WO0!

Error. Your new password must contain a grain of truth.

IFWEDONTTAKETHETIMETOLOOKAROUNDUS,WERISKLOSINGWHATISMOSTPRECIOUSTOUSCUMBERSPOONTHECEMENTGARDENGath123…WO00000!

Error. Your new password must also be a word found in all good dictionaries.

Fuck. You.

Error. Repetition of letter ‘u’. Account will be deleted until further notice.

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Ralph Jones, who looks remarkably like Rafael Nadal, is a comedy writer and journalist from London. He is part of sketch group The Awkward Silence and has written for titles including BuzzFeed, Vice, Esquire, and New Statesman.

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