REVEREND MOTHER: come here, Paul
there remains one final test for you
the test of the gom jabbar, the test of pain
this will truly reveal whether you are the Kwisatz Haderach
place your hand in my box
PAUL: hahaha
hell yeah
u got it babe
REVEREND MOTHER: oh
oh i see what you —
oh HONESTLY
grow up

 

JESSICA: the spice extends life
LETO: the spice expands consciousness
REVEREND MOTHER: the spice is vital to space travel
PAUL: the spice gets you high as shit
lol

 

STILGAR: you who are known as Usul among us must choose your desert name
PAUL: just call me Paul
STILGAR: but you are already called Paul
it is a great honor, to be given a desert name
PAUL: ok fine
my desert name is Stilgar
STILGAR: that is my name
you must choose your own name
PAUL: ok i pick bill
call me desert bill
STILGAR: YOUR DESERT NAME CANNOT BE BILL
PAUL: jesus
fine
whats that by your foot
STILGAR: that is a mouse —
PAUL: great
thats my desert name
mouse
STILGAR: we call it the Muad’D —
PAUL: i already said its my desert name
i dont need you to compose a fucking poem about it

 

CHANI: Paul, I love you so much
PAUL: love you too babe
CHANI: I think I’m pregnant
PAUL: that is fantastic
just so u know
as like a personal favor
i wont have any children with my wife
just you
CHANI: your what
PAUL: oh i had to get married
to a princess
CHANI: a what
PAUL: dont worry about it babe
its a bunch of boring imperial stuff
princess stuff
youre not a princess so dont worry about it
i married her but like
i dont give a shit about her or anything
im not even going to be nice when i have to have sex with her
CHANI: oh
PAUL: youre welcome
you guys are gonna get along great
you have so much in common