There are plenty of ways in which I feel COMPLICIT and GUILTY about our constant photo-surveillance of celebrities. ON THE ONE HAND: it was weird and creepy for photographers to follow Kristen Stewart around on the beach last week. ON THE OTHER HAND: if she’s wearing men’s shorts and dating a woman, I want to have this information uploaded into my brain without a moment’s delay. If leaked photos of Kirsten Stewart in a state of disheveled undress were released tomorrow, I would not look at them.

But I am only a human woman, and she was wearing Y-front shorts. Here is a list, in no particular order, of celebrity photos I would be unable to keep myself from viewing, were they leaked tomorrow:

• Kristen Stewart reading a dog-eared copy of Leslie Feinberg’s Stone Butch Blues
• Terrence Howard purchasing a used version of Audre Lorde’s Cables to Rage with that line from “Martha (“We shall love each other here if ever at all”) already underlined as he seriously reconsiders his opinion of feminism
• Blake Lively absent-mindedly braiding her own hair as she picks the tomato off of a BLT
• Jimmy Fallon sitting quietly in a room, not doing anything, simply content to experience his own existence for a few minutes
• Kirk Cameron and Bill Maher holding hands wordlessly and tenderly on a sailboat
• James Franco being told — and listening to — the word No
• Vin Diesel catching the last fifteen minutes of The Iron Giant on TV and watching along, silently mouthing No following along with the script
• Terrence Howard purchasing a copy of Janet Mock’s Redefining Realness while wearing sunglasses to hide the fact that he has been recently moved to tears
• Eartha Kitt writing a letter before she died that confirms she did have that threesome with James Dean and Paul Newman and she did say “White boys are so delicious” and placing the letter as well as extensive (tasteful) photographic evidence into an easy-to-find time capsule
• Terrence Howard removing his sunglasses because he is no longer afraid to admit that he cries sometimes
• Tina Fey reading Melissa Gira Grant’s Playing The Whore and Toni Newman’s I Rise
• Iman smiling tenderly at David Bowie over a crisply folded newspaper as they eat toast in companionable silence (both of them swathed head to toe in fresh linen robes)