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“That’s not a real pushup. Your form is totally wrong.”

“It’s still more than most Americans will ever do. How many pushups have you done today? And guiding your mouse without supporting your elbow on your armrest doesn’t count. Sitting kills.”

“That’s why I never sit. Every morning, I throw my computer out of the window and race downstairs to type on the keyboard before it hits the ground.”

“What she’s doing, it looks like sex. I’d let her do a pushup on me.”

“why the fuck did you film this vertically”

“Your form sucks, dude. I do not choose to be more explicit about how you could improve your form, but rest assured that it’s terrible.”

“These are dips. Not pushups. In the entire history of the world, no one has ever successfully performed a pushup. They’re all just dips.”

“STOP DRIVING WITH YOUR HIPS. IF YOU’RE DOING A PUSHUP CORRECTLY, YOUR HIPS SHOULD CEASE TO EXIST.”

“You could do 100 pushups like this and it wouldn’t improve your strength at all. You’re just bending your arms.”

“I’m doing pushups right now that are better than yours. You can’t see them, obviously, but rest assured that my form is unimpeachable.”

“Actually you need to straighten your core. I can’t see you, but I can tell by the quality of your typing that you’re a real core-dipper.”

“Oh yeah, tough guy? Why don’t you come down here and see how many pushups you can do next to me before you collapse.”

“It doesn’t matter how many pushups I can do. Whether I’m strong or not doesn’t matter; I’m still right.”

“THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS IS HOW STRONG YOU ARE”

“None of these are real pushups. Any one of these would get you drummed out of the military with a dishonorable discharge.”

“I used to be in the military, and I would disown any member of my family who let their knees wobble like that during the descent portion.”

“My local basketball team is in better shape than 93% of Marines.”

“If you do pushups with proper form, that’s the only exercise you ever need to do in order to achieve maximum fitness. No running, no weights. Just pushups. Only eat cashews and do pushups. That’s all the food and all the working out the human body needs. Cashews and pushups. I live inside of a tree and I don’t need anybody.”

“YOUR ELBOWS ARE SPLAYING OUT IS THIS A JOKE IS THIS SOME KIND OF SICK PUSHUP JOKE YOUR ELBOWS SHOULD BE INSIDE OF YOUR OWN RIB CAGE IN ORDER FOR IT TO COUNT AS A REAL PUSHUP”

“It doesn’t matter what your elbows are doing, all that matters is whether or not you break the plane.”

“You’re in good shape, but these are vanity muscles. Gym strength doesn’t count for shit if you can’t slowly lower your entire body almost to the ground before returning to your original position.”

“You suck. I could do better pushups than this.”

“Oh yeah? Then why don’t you upload a video of yourself doing them, tough guy?”

“I’m too busy doing pushups on top of YOUR WIFE.”

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