Kristen Hanley Cardozo’s previous work for The Toast can be found here.
1. PENIS COSIES. Ravelry, the largest social network for people who do yarn-related crafts, records four patterns for knit penis cosies, one crochet pattern for the same, and seven lip balm cosies that look like penises. Although the term “penis cosy” suggests that only the penis is involved, all of the penis cosy patterns include a little sweater for the testicles as well. This last detail suggests a misandrist plot, as overheated testicles cause sperm to die, especially the weaker sperm that results in be-penised babies.
FUN FACT: Wikipedia’s entry for “willy warmer” reports that Clark Gable received a handknit cock sock from Carole Lombard while he was filming Gone With The Wind.
2. AN OCTOPUSS. If you’ve ever wanted to knit an octopus with a cat’s head, this is a thing that you, dear knitter, could do.
3. BROCCOLI FLORETS. Roughage becomes that much rougher when it’s made of wool.
4. A RAT SWEATER. As in a sweater for rats, not a human sweater with rats on it. I assumed at first that this was just a fashionable accessory, but a Google search informs me that there are practical reasons why a rat might need a sweater. Rats have been domesticated since the Victorian era, and have, like other animals bred by humans, become quite varied in looks and behavior, sometimes in ways not at all beneficial to the animal. Hairless rats, which are sold as pets, have a tendency to become cold and sicken, as well as to scratch their unprotected skin. I have Thoughts on how ethical it is to breed animals with inherently harmful mutations, but hairless rats are by now a staple of the pet rat market, which, yes, is a thing. ANYWAY, hairless rat owners can knit their rat a sweater to keep the animal warm and protect her from accidental injury.
PERSONAL ANECDOTE: I have two pet rats (they both have hair) and I am totally tempted to make this sweater for them and then take pictures of them enjoying snacks while wearing stylish sweaters. I am not wholly consistent in my attitudes toward adorable animals under my care.
5. A STRAITJACKET FOR YOUR HOT WATER BOTTLE. Surely everyone has known the heartbreak of an unrestrained, violent hot water bottle. Now tragedy can be neatly avoided while keeping you deliciously warm on a cold winter night. If only our ancestors had had this, the great Hot Water Bottle Uprising of 1923 might never have happened.
6. DOG HUMILIATION TOOLS. Look, I’m opposed to deliberately breeding animals with harmful deformities just because we think they look cool, but I am 100% in favor of subjecting domestic animals to public embarrassment borne of hilarious hats and sweaters. Dogs wearing bear or mouse ears are pretty much the best thing you’ll see today and you know it. Knit your dog a shame-inducing hat and bring more joy to the world.
7. A WHALE SHARK THAT WILL STORE YOUR PHONE. Where did your phone go? Oh, it’s just been swallowed by small badass whale shark, that’s all. Yeah. A whale shark. It’ll cough it back up when you need it.
8. A FEMALE ANGLERFISH. Anglerfish are already terrifying-looking, but even more terrifying is how some anglerfish reproduce. The females, with the dangly glowing lure hanging out in front, dwarf their parasitic male paramours. It’s awfully dark down where the anglerfish live, and it can be hard to meet a potential love interest, so male anglerfish hang about, all small and helpless, unable to feed themselves or fend off larger creatures. When a giant female fish passes by, the male swims up, bites a hole in her side, and attaches himself, eventually merging with her circulatory system. At this point, most of his body apart from his testicles begins atrophying, and eventually he is little more than a pair of balls, hanging out, fertilizing eggs every so often, and living off of the nourishment provided by his female host. Why not knit one? Or, if knitting’s not your thing, why not use anglerfish as a metaphor in that story you’re workshopping? It’ll make that guy in your program, you know the one, super uncomfortable.
9. AN ALIEN AUTOPSY. THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE. Or in here. In your knitting. Your knitting is full of truths.
10. A CUTESY TOILET AND PLUNGER. I don’t know how a toilet is that cute, but that is one cute toilet.
11. A DALEK SKIN FOR YOUR EVIL COFFEE PRESS. It’s called CAFFEINATE, you guys.
12. A BEARD FOR A BEER CAN. This is wrapped up in so many layers of hipsterness that I can’t even find it, but I have the typical English major’s bias in favor of punny titles, so all is forgiven since it’s called “Beerd,” as it should be.
13. POTATOES. We all know that Millenials are wild about potatoes, but even the older generations will love these knitted spuds. Probably the hippest thing on this list.
14. A BERET FOR YOUR CAT. Cats already go around 24/7 with a look on their collective faces that says their toleration of you is temporary and someday they will make you pay permanently for every transgression. A beret just cements this look in a dignified and stylish way. Your cat’s dead-eyed, angry stare, peeking out from beneath a kicky chapeau, will bring as much joy as a dog in a mouse-eared hat.
15. MITTENS FESTOONED WITH THREE-DIMENSIONAL VULVAS. The level of skill and thought that went into these is mind-boggling.
16. A LOVELY CARDIGAN WITH DECORATIVE PENISES. I was trying not to list more than one thing by the same designer, but this sweater, designed by the lady who made the vulva mittens, is just amazing, as are the photographs.
17. A FEZ TO HIDE TOILET PAPER. I’m not sure how toilet paper covers came to be a thing in the first place. It has an apocryphal Victorian feel to it, like paper connected with indecorous acts performed in the smallest room is itself tainted by association and unseemly. That said, if you’re going to hide toilet paper, a fez is already the right shape.
18. AN ANOMALOCARIS. A prehistoric predator of the Cambrian seas, preserved only in fossils. It had 30,000 lenses in its huge eyes, but you don’t have to knit all 30,000.
19. A SCARF THAT IS ALSO A LUNAR CALENDAR. How else will you keep track of your periods while looking stylish as hell?
20. BALACLAVAS OF ELDRITCH HORROR. H.P. Lovecraft was racist as fuck, it needs to be said. These balaclavas are millions of times better than anything he ever did.
21. ENGLISH BREAKFAST. I completely love the problem-solving that goes into knits meant to look like things that really don’t look like knitting. How to represent baked beans or ketchup in yarn? A mass of bobbles and a coil of icord solve those two quite tidily.
22. TEACUPS. Structurally unsound, the very worst thing to contain hot tea. You’d be better off pouring tea into your hat, and that’s not a great idea either. Knit teacups never fail to delight me.
23. A MISANDRY HAT. We all need one.
*
Broccoli photograph via Sara Elizabeth Kellner
Tags: beauty, humor, knitting, Kristen Hanley Cardozo, magic, penises
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I would love to knit a hat for my cat, if I could knit. It would be a real-life Cat in the Hat. But for Christmas I put reindeer antlers on one cat and a Santa hat on the other one and then took “family pictures” and my cats just look so horrified and disgusted with the proceedings it was worth the $9.
Hairless rats: So, like hairless cats, are they then lacking certain important characteristics? Because from what I know about hairless cats (from watching a documentary like the rigorous scholar I am), their lack of hair means you have to wash them and clean their ears and stuff every week or thereabouts, which to me defeats the purpose of a cat (a self-cleaning animal). And it looks, like Rachel says, like a hand. So do hairless rats suffer from weird issues too? They must, right? WHY the human compulsion to breed weird things into and out of animals? I can understand increased milk production or hair on sheep, but hairless cats??? (Guys, I’m bored at work and it’s Friday.)
When I was doing research for a paper on eugenics, it was not that surprising to learn that focused breeding of domestic animals, dogs in particular, is directly linked to the eugenics movement. As in, the secretary of the American Eugenics Society also wrote a ton of books about dogs and dog breeding, and the American Kennel Club was originally comprised largely of eugenicists. Humans!
I would absolutely read a book about that.
Yeah, having written that down, I’ve realized that I really should return to that and actually write something longer about it.
How about this: The American Breeders’ Association: Genetics and eugenics in an agricultural context, 1903-13
By: Kimmelman, Barbara A. IN: Social Studies of Science 13, p. 163-204
You could also try Daniel Kevles’s The Eugenicists. It’s an older book and I can’t remember off-hand how much he goes into the domestic breeding angle, but it’s an excellent read.
There’s also a strong connection between plant breeding and eugenicists.
OK, I found a blog post on hairless rat care (featuring a rat named Scarlett No-Haira) that says that yes, other issues. Eye problems, they need to be washed regularly, and this post suggests that you should massage them with olive oil once a week. Rats with hair, like cats, are very meticulous and groom themselves regularly, and usually quite successfully, and tend to be really low-maintenance pets.
I actually used to have a hairless cat (rescued from a very neglectful neighbor) and while they are a lot more work than standard cats and do get VERY stinky if you don’t wash them regularly, as a breed they tend to be ridiculously affectionate and love cuddling (mostly to steal your warmth I’m sure). My cat basically looked like a spotted bat-demon but would win over the affection of EVERYONE–even those people who hate cats (i.e., human monsters)–in ~15 minutes with her friendliness and general cute ways. For anyone who works from home, I 110% recommend adopting a hairless cat, they are the best.
Also, they’re not really hypoallergenic. I was tricked by that “fact” but it’s a lie. In addition, they make the smelliest poops in the world, so be prepared.
My friend’s hairless cat shat on me in my sleep. Cannot vouch for their friendliness but can back up the smelly poops.
I have a hairless cat and, yes, she does need to be bathed, but not weekly. I bathe her about once every month or so, and bathing her takes all of 5 minutes. Her poop smells no different than the poop of any other cat I’ve had. Hairless cats (she’s a Sphynx, which I believe is the most common breed of hairless cat) are, indeed, very affectionate and loveable, and they are not all pink (skin-coloured; if they had fur, they’d be white) or red (the fur would be orange/ginger), which is what you often see in movies and TV and other media, probably because it is the most dramatic looking. Mine is blue, which means she looks grey. Sphynx cats do have very short fur, which makes them feel like suede. As others have said, they’re not hypoallergenic. The Sphynx breed appeared spontaneously, in that a coated female had a litter that included a hairless kitten, and the breed was developed from there. Here’s some more info: http://www.bemisu.com/Sphynxinfo/Sphynx-History.h…. And like any purebred animal, they can be prone to other health issues, but a conscientious breeder would work to avoid that by careful breeding.
I have no idea why my coffee press would need a cozy (I generally just drink the coffee right away?) but yeah, totally gonna knit that. Also, will have to ask the boy whether he wants a penis cozy.
I love the random stuff you can find on ravelry. I made myself these comic-inspired fingerless gloves, and they totally make me feel kick-ass. http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/fightin-w…
They are brilliant!
I made a sweater for my Chemex! Mostly because I often decide to do other things while also making coffee, and if I get distracted the coffee sits in there longer than it should.
Those fingerless gloves are awesome!
Also, is there a Toast Ravelry group? If not, there should be.
Second the motion for a Toast group on Ravelry!
Let she who has never knitted a nautilus cast (on) the first stone.
I also love that vulva mittens woman thought that the only possible way to model vulva mittens was with a hula hoop.
I also love the comment in the instructions: “The labia are knitted separately and sewn onto the mittens.”
She’s a aerial artist.
It’s actually a lyra aka aerial hoop (says the nerdy knitting aerialist). 🙂
I have a knitted vulva. (Not attached to me, made by a friend.)
I think it would be kind of neat to swap out my real one for a knitted one, in the winter at least
Vulva cozies!
ooh drying
That whale shark is so much better than I was expecting. I gotta get my knitting up to snuff now…
Yeah the whale shark is totally adorable.
A friend of mine knit (or possibly crocheted?) me some trilobites for Christmas a few years ago – they could definitely use an anomalocaris buddy. Or maybe a eurypterid or an ammonite?
Perhaps a tardigrade? http://makezine.com/craft/tardigrade-little-water…
Elyse thank you so much for reminding me of the eurypterid! Part of the holiday festivities included a jaunt to the Amherst college natural history (which is no longer the Pratt, and feels like it should have a glyph pronounced “museum-formerly-known-as-the-Pratt” ) to pay our respects to the mammoth and mastodon bones. While there we also admired the hell out of the antlers of the Irish Elk (hello megaloceros, you mad fool you!) and opened all the drawers. The differing sizes of trilobite tickeled everyone, and there was a lovely lovely eutypterid but I couldn’t remember it’s name, just that it was related to scorpions.
Also did you know eohippus isn’t eohippus anymore? The taxonomy changed while I wasn’t looking.
I crocheted a whale shark once, but MORE FOOL ME, I never wrote down any of my stuffed animal patterns. Now I want to make another one and I DON’T KNOW HOW.
I found a pattern for a knitted anatomical heart, and I want to make it in greys, greens and dark reds, stitch black ‘veins’ on it, put it in a glass case and present it to my husband as a zombie heart.
There is no way I can get this done before this valentines day.
(Who else is on ravelry? I’m Anninyn over there, check me out)
I’m sweetmachine!
Seriously, knitting Toasties, you are MY PEOPLE
I’m saystheheart!
I’m laurenipsum!
I’m MoniqueC
I don’t keep my projects very up to date, although I use it to browse and search patterns quite a lot.
I’m Jejune over there. My own knitting oeuvre is sadly bereft of weirdo things, so my own patterns did not make my own list. *sad trombone*
I’m rusalka! Should I set up a group maybe?
Lol, I just asked about this before seeing your comment. Thanks for setting it up!
Presenting The Toast Fiber Guild (we can rename it if people want, I’m not very good at this sort of thing).
joined! also <3 <3 <3 “write fanfic about Mallory acknowledging the difference between weaving and knitting.”
Yay Ravelry! Yay knitting Toasties! I’m Jinxie over there because I like to keep my noms de web pretty simple.
aquamarinaveen! i <3 ravelry so much
ayebee! I only sporadically do anything with my account besides browse and browse for hours and hours, but I do dearly love looking at other people’s projects.
Oooh, I’m Turpentinechai over there too. I got in trouble in the early days of Rav a few years ago for posting my hat with “crafty cunt” on the side….working on my second one now that I have years of colorwork practice.
I’ve been dying to make the peen sweater in delicate pastels for a while.
dromeda42!
nutellaandcoffee
I’m BellaG there, too!
I’m AnimaMeena.
I’m jenavira there, too! And that reminds me, I should upload the photos from all the Christmas knitting I did…
I’m whatindienights, a comical attempt to merge all my internet personalities when I had a tragically bad fashion blog. Ah, the first decade of this century…
Joined the new Toast Fibre Arts group so fast, and then realised I don’t even have a profile pic. Nor have I ever posted a finished project. I’m a lurker by nature.
I’m dashaway22. Joined the group as well! <3 <3
I knit a misandry hat for my bff last winter! It is so beautiful.
Am I insane, or is there no picture of the misandry hat at the link.
What does a misandry hat look like? AM I WEARING ONE RIGHT NOW???
Gleefully forwarded to my knitting circle. One of the ladies has fornicating reindeer on her home-knit mittens so this all-in-one list will be much appreciated.
I’ve queued Fornicating Penguins
Truly a thing of beauty and, to your friend, a joy for ever. *wipes tear*
I am desperately sad that I can’t find this pattern for sale anywhere anymore. Your hat is amazing!
My thing is crochet sea creatures. I have an octopus, sea stars, jelly fish and, my favorite, the “cuddle” fish. I also made brain slugs from Futurama for all my nephews.
I need to make some of these (I knit and crochet, but my knitting skills aren’t quite up to anything more advanced than scarves right now)
A lot of the descriptions in Lovecraft really brought to mind Futurama characters. Especially the alien heads in spacesuit jar helmest with tentacles.
Well, I guess I have to knit my son’s rats sweaters now! (I was just saying last night — as I picked up my son’s stuffed frog, who I knit a sweater for some years ago — that I could make the rats sweaters, but that they would probably just eat them, like they tried to eat the duvet cover…)
Aside from the chewing up the sweaters angle, I wonder how long they would leave the sweaters on. We have a harness and lead for them, but it is all but impossible to get either of them into it (they squirm their way out).
I may be overthinking this.
I had a friend who made a sweater for her rat and she said it never stayed on– they can wriggle out of pretty much anything.
i will gladly pay a Toastie cash money for a collection of knitted veggies.
I made a stalk of knitted celery once, just saying…
New projects in queue: Whale Shark Phone Cozy for friends in Japan who took me to the aquarium to see REAL LIVE WHALE SHARKS. Seriously, words cannot express how cool and amazing those animals are. Also, FRIGGIN’ HUUUUGE. Dalek Coffee Press cozy because seriously. MISANDRY HATS FOR EVERYONE. January’s not too early to start on Giftmas knitting, right? (Also, dromeda42 on ravelry!)
Envy. I’ve wanted to see the whale shark tank since i first read about in my shark nerd teen years. (Still a shark nerd, just with other nerdieres layered on it now)
Adding you
The aquarium in Osaka, right? I made sure hat I got to see that, when i went to japan for a week. Did you also see all the jellyfish on the bottom level, and all the manta rays?
In Okinawa, actually! Someday I’d love to go visit the mainland, but my friends live in Okinawa, so that’s where I stayed. Did not see any jellyfish! Would love to- they’re gorgeous!
This is so up my alley it’s broken through the fence and is pounding on my windows.
I love this comment so much!
That, AND this post; you knitters are so freaking talented, seriously.
what i love about knitting is that i’m totally *not* talented, but if you can follow directions and have patience you can fool people into thinking you are super talented.
I feel like this piece was written just for me <3
I think you should knit rat sweaters (because rats are adorable), but you should do one better: rat cardigans!
A RAT IN A LITTLE CARDIGAN WITH A LITTLE BUTTON!
http://i110.photobucket.com/albums/n114/corsiphot…
I can’t even deal with how Wind In The Willows this is.
OMG. My rats NEED this. They don’t even know it.
Oh my goodness! That is the cutest! I knit a rat sweater for my friend’s rat, but it wasn’t nearly that cute. I might have to see if I can reverse engineer that pattern. For science of course.
Oh my god that is the best thing I have seen in weeks. The most sublime thing on this completely sublime thread.
Other things that are too Wind in the Willows to deal with:
Badgers in eyeglasses
Rodents in boats
Pan turning up for no reason
The phrase “Hang spring cleaning”
ONIONSAUCE
Thanks for giving my breakfast pattern a mention…….enjoyed having a look at the other patterns
Vulva mittens and penis cardigans, omg. I’ve just friended the designer on Rav, because her work is awesome!
Warning: do not attempt to knit Romanesco broccoli.
I feel like this hat is pretty darn close: http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/chrysanth…
I expected the cat-octopus to be github’s Octocat
Related to Toast interests: Muad’doctocat
Perfect.
Oh my god, anglerfish are my FAVE ANIMAL and I need a plush one STAT.
“Every skein of wool has a statue inside it and it is the task of the knitter to discover it.” Great round-up!
I must learn how to knit immediately
Is there a toast group on Ravelry? If there’s not, there should be!
Also “Understanding Millennials—How do Potatoes Fit into Their Lives?” is my new favorite headline of all time.
There is now! http://www.ravelry.com/groups/the-toast-fiber-gui…
Yay, fantastic! 2015 shall be my year of knitting!
I would join the toast group on ravelry!
I have actually made the Dalek French press cozy! For my cousin, a fellow Whovian and caffeine addict. It went over very well.
Both my grandmothers had some version of a doll in a crocheted dress that covered the toilet paper on the back of the toilet. Despite my love for all things frilly as a little girl, it really creeped me out. Not only was there a humanoid object behind you, watching as you peed, but to retrieve the spare TP you had to flip her skirt up and pull her incomplete torso out of the roll. NOPE. Leave your toilet paper unadorned.
It’s not like it’s fooling anyone, either, if discretion is the point. “Oh, what a lovely doll! Wait, what’s under here? It’s TOILET PAPER! What a surprise!”
My grandmother had multiples! This just brought back so many memories.
Gah. I’d completely forgotten about the tiny pastel peach lady at the back of my grandmother’s toilet. She had itty bitty seed pearl beeds in her itty bitty hat and a tiny matching purse and I thought she was incredibly creepy.
My mum just got her friend to knit a toilet-roll cover – it’s shaped like a woman in a dress, as in the picture, but the whole thing is knitted. I made it clear that I strongly disapproved, but she doesn’t care.
Knitter, please.
A family member dared me to knit him a penis cozy. Like he hasn’t known me my whole life.
So I knitted him one out of camo yarn, with a 4-inch diameter pom-pom sewn onto the end.
Family legend: achieved.
“Wow,” he said, when he got it, “things really ARE bigger in Texas.”
So, what is the point of a penis cozy? Do penises get cold often? Or are they just hilarious?
Nearest I can tell, people made a bunch of jokes about them until they materialized in the world as actual physical things.
I like it. The theory feels quite Pratchettian.
“According to the Croatian knitter Radmilla Kus, knitted protectors were traditionally worn by Croatian men, particularly in the Mrkopalj mountain region, as a guard against frostbite. Such garments were also worn in Norway, where they were called forhyse, vænakot, or suspensorium. Several examples are preserved in the Norwegian Museum of Cultural History. Sometimes in Norway they would be made from squirrel fur with the fur side inside, to be worn under leather trousers in the winter. On the Faroe Islands such garments are called “kallvøttur” (man mitten) or “purrivøttur” (testicles mitten). There was a tradition in Norway and Denmark, particularly on the Faroe Islands, where a girl would present her boyfriend with a forhyse to see how seriously he took their relationship. If the gift was rejected, this was seen as evidence that he was not yet ready for marriage.”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Willy_warmer
EXCUSE ME, OFF TO KNIT A MAN MITTEN.
OK, I actually READ THAT WIKIPEDIA ARTICLE and had NO MEMORY of this, which makes me really, really mad at my brain for not retaining this IMPORTANT HISTORY.
I only knew there was a Wiki on them from you linking it! Sorta teamwork all around!
Additional testicle mitten story, there’s a Raveler somewhere who has a fantastic story about knitting a hat for David Sedaris and him joking about needing a willy warmer and her bringing one for him and one for his partner the next time he was in her town.
SHRINKAGE!
What whacked out stuff have you made, Toasties? I am currently knitting my niece a hat which will look like a watermelon, and have crocheted a Dr Zoidberg or three in my time too. (Cross posting this to the Rav group!)
I’m pretty pedestrian, I’m afraid. Most exciting was a beret in a pink and purple variegated yarn which completely accidentally looked like a nipple.
fish hats, two pointy-headed creatures that feel like dragons, a polar bear and a nosewarmer
I knitted a yoda without a pattern.
ME TOO!!!!!!!!!!
Yay, thanks for setting it up! I’m owlet.
Knitted uterus with bendable fallopian tubes!
http://www.knitty.com/ISSUEwinter04/PATTwomb.html
YAY!
I used that pattern for this project:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/govtfreevjj/
I did a lot of the tracking of which politicians got what as a semester project and created a map that TOTALLY got me into grad school in Geography. Plus certain college presidents remember me very distinctly. Plus I have a whole group of men (former classmates) who A) I’ve totalled gotten into women’s rights and B) get together occassionally with me to drink beer, talk GIS, and reminisce about “your uterus project”.
I made this! I made it for my friend when we were in high school out of neon pink yarn and she hung it above her bed with an Action Man, like a voodoo shrine. She always did get a lot of action *kerr-ching*
I tried to convince the woman in my knitting group whose chickens are molting in the polar vortex that poultry sweaters were the answer. Sadly, she didn’t bite (peck?). I say sweaters for all the fur/feather/scale challenged animals! We’re at the top of the food chain, we get to embarrass those below us.
The penis sweater has been in my Ravelry queue for like a year and I’m still working up the courage to make it.
This must be pointed out: you can knit toast! http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/toast-7
I am immediately going to begin knitting wool produce for my niece. Immediately.
Actually this just sent me down the most wonderful rabbit hole of knit foodstuffs and some people are really impressionistic about it. That does not look at all like a cake, madame.
I had already seen five of these and had two in my queue (and have just added two more). <3
I am not likely to be motivated enough to do this, but I like the idea of knitting vegetables as kid toys when I have bebes someday. Fun and ok to teethe on? Cool times. I don’t think I’m nearly talented/motivated enough to actually follow through, but it sounds like it would be cute.
http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/lab-rat
I so wish I could have knit this for Bio 101
Now I want to see a Venn diagram of “people who read the Toast” and “people who are on Ravelry”. Maybe with a third circle for “people who love Venn diagrams”.
Also “librarians.”
My one-eared cat would look adorable in a little cat beret but I don’t think he feels the same way.
That hot water bottle straitjacket seems like it could be handy for keeping the hot water bottle in place, though, doesn’t it? Says the knitter who suffers chronic pain.
I am so pleased to find all the Toasties on Ravelry – if you just got friended out of the blue it might have been me….
Thanks for including my vulva mittens and penis cardigan!
They are glorious. I daren’t make the cardi as I would wear it to church just for giggles
toasties, I would like a misandry hat, and don’t want to knit it. Can one of you? (For $)
If you haven’t had any offers yet, if you’re willing to buy the pattern and pay for yarn I’ll knit it 🙂
I am 99% sure you once gave me the most magnificent socks, so this is a strange and delightful turn of events to find you on the Toast.
What a giggle – and a reminder that I really should finish and photograph my Knitted 2 by 4…
I laughed so hard reading this, I almost choked on an orange segment.
Here’s a crocheted version of Angry Birds – http://www.arghink.com/2011/02/22/the-angry-birds…
And I feel compelled to confess that I actually own an m/m romance with a penis cozy pattern in the back (I had a brief glom in the sub-sub-genre of erotic m/m and f/f knitting romances, because how could I resist once I knew this existed?)
I laughed so hard reading this, I almost choked on an orange segment.
Here's a crocheted version of Angry Birds – http://www.arghink.com/2011/02/22/the-angry-birds…
And I feel compelled to confess that I actually own an m/m romance with a penis cozy pattern in the back (I had a brief glom in the sub-sub-genre of erotic m/m and f/f knitting romances, because how could I resist once I knew this existed?)
If you haven't had any offers yet, if you're willing to buy the pattern and pay for yarn I'll knit it 🙂
http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/police-bo…
Psst it's the last item in the article!
ONIONSAUCE
I don’t want to be overly pedantic (i totally do), but millennials has 2 ns, not 1. The mnemonic for remembering this is that annual has 2 ns, and anus has one. I’m not always wowed by them as a generation, but I still think calling them “Thousand assholes” is a bit much.
Why doesn’t this listicle have photos? I’m not clicking all these!
How about a DNA model for a baby? http://kimberlychapman.com/crafts/knit-patterns-d…
How about a DNA model for a baby? http://kimberlychapman.com/crafts/knit-patterns-d…
I’m on Rav (hearing-girl) a lot more often than I’m on The Toast, but I still should have realized what was up when *all* of these items started trending in Most Popular Patterns.
Hey, don’t forget the “Flying Spaghetti Monster”.