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One of the greatest aspects of ancient Greek civilization was the persistent belief that there was nothing women liked better to do than assemble a gang, air their tits out, and roam the countryside beating men to death. This was, sadly, a myth, but it did not stop generations of European painters from imagining what savage bands of female murderesses might have looked like.

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The Venn diagram of “female devotees of Dionysus who savagely tear apart Orpheus” and “parties I would love to attend” has an overlap of roughly 100%.

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This is a fitting end for a man known for strolling about the ancient world playing unasked-for lyre solos at everyone. Look at how fun these stabbing bitches seem. Long, lush hair and sturdy biceps and leopard skins abound.

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They’ve already ripped off the entire lower half of Pentheus’ body and they are not calling it a day. Gotta rip up the top half too. The official word for “Dionysus-crazed women ripping men and animals limb from limb,” by the way, is sparagmos. The ancient Greeks had a NAME for what happened when women tore men to pieces! Truly it was called the Golden Age of Civilization for a reason.

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SMASH HIS HEAD OFF GIRL, HEADS ARE FOR WOMEN, THIS IS WHAT A FEMINIST LOOKS LIKE (SMASHING A MAN’S HEAD OFF WITH A ROCK)

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True beauty is a severe brow, a no-nonsense haircut, and an armful of male limbs you’re about to rip off someone’s torso. That’s what Real Women look like.

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Charlotte Corday actually did murder a man in real life – and by herself, too, sans sororal mob – but I think she still deserves to be included because of how beautiful the fabric on her murderin’ gown is.

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How did all these French painters know exactly what Charlotte Corday was wearing that day? Either way, she looked amazing.

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ON WEDNESDAYS WE PULL OUR DRESSES DOWN TO THE WAIST AND KILL MEN

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someone get his harp, men cannot be killed unless you also destroy the instrument they were trying to play at you

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Sometimes it’s best to stick with the basics: enormous, pointy sticks you use to alternately bludgeon and skewer a man in the woods with your best girlfriend.

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WRAP YOURSELF IN SNAKES AND LEAVES AND BRING YOUR SHARPEST MURDERING SCYTHE, IT’S TIME FOR A GOOD OLD-FASHIONED GIRLS’ NIGHT OUT

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Nobody’s murdering his left leg! Get in the game, Red Cloak!

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The Difference Between A Good Friend And A Best Friend:

A good friend will hold your scabbard while you use your short sword to murder a male stranger.

A best friend won’t have any hands free to hold your scabbard because she’ll be too busy grabbing him by the cloak and jabbing him with a stick.

[Images mostly via]

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