I have no evidence for any of this, other than my own conscience. May God judge me.
It is statistically plausible, if not probable, that over the long and varied course of his sexual career, James Bond got pegged at least once. Probably by May Day or Xenia Onatopp, but honestly, you can’t always tell just by looking at a woman whether she’s pegged somebody. Keep your mind open to the evidence, is all I’m saying. At some point, it was bound to happen; the statistical likelihood of getting pegged cannot remain at 0 forever. If I had to break it down further I would say Daniel Craig’s Bond was super chill about it because suave heteroflexibility is kind of his thing, Dalton’s Bond weirdly enough did it before having standard-issue heterosexual sex and kind of prefers getting pegged, Brosnan’s Bond had never heard of it before doing it and found it a little uncomfortable at first but once he relaxed enough really found the groove, and Connery’s Bond did it once but denied having tried it for the rest of his life even though he dreams about it sometimes.
If I had to guess, I’d say that Keaton’s Batman was super game for it, Val Kilmer was creepily excited in the same way he gets creepily excited about every single sex act it is possible to commit, Clooney’s Batman loved it and had a campy good time (“it’s just another gadget”), and Bale’s Batman refused to do it, even though he’s secretly gagging for it. None of the Robins have ever done it because he’s still kind of self-conscious about his own masculinity.
Black Widow hardly gets a minute to herself, I imagine, what with all the pegging she finds herself in the way of having to perform. Hawkeye LOVES it, obviously, and is filled with self-loathing for how much he loves it, which, there’s not much you can do for someone who is at war with their own desires except for wish them the best and hope they manage to ride it out. Thor’s a big fan of it, but has no human qualms with allowing himself to be penetrated, so it’s no big deal to him. I have a sense it made Captain America deeply uncomfortable the first couple of times, but not uncomfortable enough to keep him away from it. Iron Man is a deeply depraved person and has probably built a pegging robot and keeps insisting the Hulk borrow it, which makes the Hulk incredibly uncomfortable.
Are you kidding me? With that dumb pretty “who-me?” farm face and hair just the right length for grabbing? That kid got pegged every time they docked on a new planet, and he adored it.
Philip Marlowe, too. Really, just any character Humphrey Bogart ever played, just imagine bent over and getting the pegging of a lifetime from a smirking, smoking Lauren Bacall.
Guardians of the Galaxy
If you think Gamora doesn’t peg Star-Lord on a regular basis, then I have nothing to say to you.
Hated the idea, but did it just to prove something to himself.
I know that Jack Sparrow is the obvious choice, and of course he’s done it, but I have a feeling that Jack is slightly less perverse and a good deal more sexually conventional than he would like people to believe. He’s tried everything, of course, but he’s a little embarrassed by how much he likes just a good old-fashioned missionary session with a good-looking woman. Will Turner, on the other hand, could get pegged six times a week and twice on Sunday and it still wouldn’t be enough. That’s the read I get on them anyhow.
Juror #8 from 12 Angry Men
I just get a strong “peg-y” vibe from Henry Fonda.
The way I see it, Cyclops is incredibly into it and Wolverine could probably take it or leave it alone except for the fact that Jean Grey ADORES it, so there’s a weirdly competitive vibe between the two of them over who loves getting pegged more. Storm thinks it lacks dignity but she’s willing to strap it on every now and again; Mystique is incredible at it, and Dr. Xavier tried it once when he was young and didn’t really see what all the fuss was about, but respected the fact that sexuality is a rich tapestry.
Angel loves it, Angelus hates it. Spike loves it, obviously, which is partly why Angelus hates it so much, because of course they’ve compared notes. Buffy was kind of shocked at first, but found herself really engaged once she got the chance.
Whatever Jeff Goldblum’s character’s name was in Jurassic Park
Are you kidding me? Women have to beg him to do anything else in bed; once he found out pegging existed he forget there were other sex acts.
Mallory is an Editor of The Toast.