I am Troy McClure, you are the pasty, hungry child.

If you are a vegetarian, I respect that 100% and I encourage you to skip this recipe.

(looks around)

Okay. I like to eat a half pound of beef for dinner about three times a week, and this is unbelievably delicious and easy and PERSONALLY I think that grass-fed beef is very good for you and excellent for your health, if not necessarily the health of the planet. Also, Mallory loves these, and I want to have the recipe here where she can always find it.

They are fancy-enough tasting that you could easily pair with some classy vegetables and a glass of red wine, but I usually just tip half of them in a bowl and eat them while still in my disgusting gym clothes. Up to you! Also, YMMV, but 100% of the men I have served these lil dudes to have rolled their eyes back in their head with ecstasy, so make them for men if that’s your thing, or NEVER make them for men if you don’t like men.

INGREDIENTS:

One pound ground beef, ideally from cows that are in less daily misery than other cows
2 tablespoons oregano (I like the little jars of freeze-dried oregano, if you can get yours hands on them.)
1 tablespoon cumin
1 tablespoon olive oil
Salt and pepper to taste

GEAR:

A twelve-inch skillet
A splatter screen, ’cause this is gonna spit at you (I have this one)

RECIPE:

About half an hour before you want to start cooking, take the ground beef out of the fridge to get the chill off. Put it on a plate or a cutting board and pull it into eight parts, splat them into little flattish-patties.

In a small bowl, combine the spices. Just before cooking time, pat the spices on either side of the burgers, very generously. Add more of the spices if you want! You want these to be really great and crusted. I don’t mix the spices INTO the meat on purpose: this enhances the flavor of the surface area, which is the best part of the burger.

Once you are ready to cook, put the skillet on medium-high heat and drop in the olive oil. Once things are hot, but not yet smoking, drop in the burgers so they are not touching each other. Set a timer for 4-5 minutes (personal preference on doneness, I always take into account the quality of the meat.)

Flip them!

Set another 4-5 minute timer. Take them out.

I eat them without buns or cheese, personally, despite LOVING cheese, bc I think they stand alone beautifully, but you do you!