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Home: The Toast

linkI’m at my grandma’s in LA and she asked me within 30 hours of my arrival if I “really liked” the chocolate mousse she made because I’d only had two servings. In two days! GRANDMA, I LIKE THE PUDDING, I JUST DON’T WANT MORE THAN ONE A DAY, GENERALLY. I’LL GET AROUND TO EATING THE REST OF IT, ALSO I LOVE YOU.


Tatum O’Neal is dating babes! (“What if this just ends up like Cate Blanchett and she issues a BISEXUAL RETRACTION, Mallory?” LET’S JUST CROSS THAT BRIDGE WHEN WE COME TO IT, GUYS.)


Please know that I am reading and enjoying all of your tweets about the spelling bee. How many of you competed as youths? I went to district but got knocked out immediately due to PAVILION, which is embarrassing.


OF COURSE I’M GONNA SEE SAN ANDREAS


“‘We at least have health insurance,‘ says an injured veteran whose family debt is larger than his annual family income; his wife is the sole breadwinner and works as a night-shift nurse, and the two are struggling to afford to move into a house outfitted for his disabilities. (It’ll be more urgent when their second child is born in a few weeks.) We at least have health insurance. Part of me is moved by his kindness. And part of me wants to start throwing furniture in the street so we can get a new Les Mizgoing or something because oh my God, fuck everything. How much struggle are we expecting everyone to endure? And how much are we exploiting that struggle by turning it into entertainment?

A lot. We’re exploiting it a lot. The Briefcase does it in a clear and methodical way, but we live in a culture that habitually depicts poor people or poverty as inherently other. In fact, The Briefcase avoids using the word poor at all: Participants are repeatedly described as ‘hardworking, middle-class families.’ But overwhelmingly the families are in extremely dire financial circumstances. If you’re utterly financially unstable, is that really middle class? If you cry every day knowing that you will be unable to provide for your children in meaningful ways, is that middle class? If, in your 40s, you become certain that you will still be in debt when you die, are you middle class? Can homeowners still be considered ‘poor’? How old must a car be before driving it invalidates a person as ‘poor’?”


Meghan Daum’s essay about Emma Sulkowicz was dumb and bad, badly dumb, and dumbly bad. This essay is good and thoughtful and smart instead, which is a better thing to be. (The DARKLY FUNNY part of this, of course, is that Daum doesn’t actually talk much about Boko Haram, which would have been a more effective way of getting her point across, which was getting people to talk more about Boko Haram, than complaining that other people aren’t talking enough about Boko Haram!)


Wait, this was CHARMING!


Nyasha Junior in Bitch Magazine with “Don’t We Hurt Like You?

“The lack of images of African American women with mental illness, combined with the myth of the “strong Black woman,” contributes to the mistaken notion of mental health issues as “a white-girl thing” and compounds their stigma among African American women.”


The years she’s spent in Sunday school and church services have prepared her for this very moment. Her hand shoots up, and the teacher calls her name. Breathless, she asks a question.

“How do you know evolution really happened? Were you there?”

I was that student, and I remember the knot that formed in my stomach whenever my high school science teacher directed class discussion toward that dreaded E-word. I remember the day I asked him if he was there when an ape evolved into a human. Some of my classmates rolled their eyes. I wasn’t even trying to make a joke about his age. For me it was a serious question, almost sacred.

IT ME
IT UNCOMFORTABLE
IT ME


If you guys want to talk about FIFA, I can’t really join in, but I want to offer you the chance to do so here. (I just don’t know anything about FIFA, I’m not like, recusing myself because I own part of the board or anything.)


Dear Prudence supplies us with at least a nation’s worth of BANANAS on the regular:

“My mother-in-law tries to act more like our children’s mother than a grandmother. She loves her grandchildren, but she is very interfering, judgmental, and disrespectful to me and my husband. On this recent visit she brought a children’s book for our 5-year-old daughter that was missing the last two pages. The book was about a girl who visits her grandmother for the summer every year; my MIL wrote an ending with my daughter that said the girl’s parents died and she got to live with her grandmother forever. It was written like a happy ending!When we confronted her (away from the children) that it was inappropriate, she blamed our 5-year-old saying it was all her idea. I am so upset I can’t even look at this woman; and now she is suggesting we get together again next month to go camping. What should we do?”


i don’t want to read this book

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