Diana!!! Goddess of chastity and the hunt! You’re never going to find a boyfriend if you keep taking long, luxurious baths with all your female friends like this! Get it together!
Diana, how are you going to get a boyfriend if you keep turning all the men who see you into stags and then murder them with arrows?? That is NOT an approved method for keeping your man, Diana!!
Diana, you are missing a prime opportunity to invite some eligible bachelors to your naked all-girl meadow party! SM dang H here, lady! You’re supposed to be a GODDESS, this is Boyfriend 101 stuff!
Diana, you silly goose!!! You’re kissing a LADY! She can’t be your boyfriend!!!
Oh no, Diana! That man in the corner can’t even get close to you because you’re surrounded by so many naked girls!
Diana, what are you on the hunt for? It sure isn’t a husband, Diana!!! :) I’m just teasing, Diana, but seriously, you are SO PRETTY that you could get any guy you want, if you weren’t always surrounded by dogs and women with bows and arrows. It’s like you don’t even want to try, sometimes, I think!
Another all-female bathing party, Diana??? How clean can one group of gal pals get?
Diana, where do you think you’re going to find a boyfriend in this party? Under that pile of fresh fruit? He would have to be awfully tiny to fit under that fruit, Diana.
Diana!!! Stop kissing ladies! That’s not where boyfriends are!!! Do I have to write this out for you so you will remember?
Oh, Diana, sometimes I think you will never learn!!! BOYS are for kissing, Diana. Girls kiss BOYS! What a silly mistake to keep making!
You’re not supposed to be kissing!!! See the painting?? You’re supposed to be holding up some scales! Get serious!
Diana, I give up, pretty much! It’s almost like you would RATHER hang out with dogs and shepherdesses with longbows than find even one single solitary boyfriend. It’s too bad, because I knew JUST the guy for you, but now he is a deer, and full of arrows, and also dead. One of these days you’ll get it right!!
Mallory is an Editor of The Toast.