This is not meant to be victim blaming. However you react to the awful and frustrating and demeaning act of being catcalled or harassed on the street is absolutely correct, whether you scream or stay silent or run or whatever. YOU DO COMPLETELY YOU, you beautiful starfish. However, if you’re tired of the particular way you’ve dealt with this terrible human interaction, and you want to shake things up, may I suggest screaming at men on motorcycles with a mouth full of peanut butter?

A few weeks ago I was on my way to the gym. I was at my most sexually alluring–sweatpants, flat sandals, a tank top with a cheeseburger on it, with a slight kink in my posture since my back felt a little weird that day. I also hadn’t had a chance to eat lunch, so I decided to scarf down a pita full of peanut butter while walking down the street.

Naturally, a sprightly gentleman on an afternoon zip around town turned a corner and caught my face in the light, and embarrassingly could not contain himself. Not wanting to get off his motored-cycle, however, he was content to scream something about how he wished his penis could be inserted in at least one of my orifices. It was difficult to tell exactly what he was saying, the doppler effect subsuming most of his message, but still I felt an understanding. So I reacted the only way I knew how:

With a mouth full of peanut butter, I yelled “fuck off.”

I’m not sure if he heard me. By that point he was halfway down the block, and with a mouth full of peanut butter it sounded more like “FUHHH AWWWWHHH,” but I believe I made my point clear. We shared a moment, and I went on my way.

In a way the peanut butter made it more satisfying. Sure, I may not have annunciated well, but the monster-like noise let me be as disgusting and loud and large as I felt like being. The best part of this interaction is that there are so many ways to replicate it, and yet keep it fresh. Instead of peanut butter, one could use cheese, or yogurt, or a lot of animal crackers chewed up to the point where they sort of start drying your mouth out. It could be a fresh bite of falafel, or a gulp of seltzer that’s left an angry bubble in your throat. The possibilities are endless!