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I thought I was familiar with every subterranean-race theory; I’ve even read Jennifer Toth’s The Mole People, which is maybe one of the most discredited works of journalism ever published??? (I LOVE IT SO MUCH AND IF YOU EVER WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT, or even just Dark Days, TEXT ME IMMEDIATELY). And yet I was not familiar with the Los Angeles Lizard People, until Christian Brown helpfully caulked that particular gap in my education:

Busy Los Angeles, although little realizing it in the hustle and bustle of modern existence, stands above a lost city of catacombs filled with incalculable treasure and imperishable records of a race of humans further advanced intellectually and scientifically than even the highest type of present day peoples, in the belief of G. Warren Shufelt, geophysical mining engineer now engaged in an attempt to wrest from the lost city deep in the earth below Fort Moore Hill the secrets of the Lizard People of legendary fame in the medicine lodges of the American Indian…

So firmly does Shufelt and a little staff of assistants believe that a maze of catacombs and priceless golden tablets are to be found beneath downtown Los Angeles that the engineer and his aides have already driven a shaft 250 feet into the ground, the mouth of the shaft being on the old Banning property on North Hill street overlooking Sunset Boulevard, Spring street and North Broadway.

I don’t know if this is related, but the National Treasure films are perfectly designed to light up every single pleasure center in my brain.

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