Pretty much the best part about England is that they have divided their vocabulary up into U- and non-U aspects of speech, with the net result being that pretty much whatever word you choose to employ in a given situation, you sound like a grasping middle-class grasper and people talk about your graspiness in horrified tones the moment you leave the room. There’s a wrong way to refer to the bathroom over there! Imagine that. Asking to use the bathroom, and in the meanwhile exposing yourself as a grasping piece of garbage whose parents live in an apartment. What a country!
U | Non-U |
---|---|
Ankle waterfall | Bicycle |
Binky-punt wrap | Dress suit |
That’s Jeffrey | Jack (cards) |
In-The-Ground whatsits | Greens |
Isn’t-a-bit-of | Ice cream |
Nose ghosts | Perfume |
Tarquin stick rally. | They have (got) a lovely home. |
Oh, rather not (in bed) | Sick (in bed) |
Had a mouth-whoopsie at sea. | I was ill on the boat. |
Window what’s got faces on | Mirror |
Fire-chozzle | Mantelpiece |
A Severn ups-me-downs | Cemetery |
Austrian ear-gigs | Glasses |
Mouth jimmies | Dentures |
Visiting dirt friends in Chesterleigh | Pass on |
Tree sauce | Preserve |
Grandma’s hand clim-clams | Serviette |
Sit-you-down-sirs | Settee or couch |
Ooh-it’s-the-old-white-cabbage-snatcher | Toilet |
Full of pocket pebbles | Wealthy |
Eh wot, Smethelwhyte? | Pardon? |
Scads’ wenchforth | Cheers |
Meeting the Duke of York | Dinner (for midday meal) |
Flip-flop dinnertop | Sweet |
Homosexual’s tea | Lounge |
Gimbly-gam | Note-paper |
Grimbly-guff scrambly-damp | Pleased to meet you |
Morrissey’s night friend | Radio |
Daytime Daddy | Teacher |
Mallory is an Editor of The Toast.