ive completed my latest work
oh, have you?
where will you present it?
i’m going to hang it in my kitchen
so everyone who comes to the house for a meal can see it while they eat
what is the subject?
a father and son are sharing a meal together
which is why i thought the kitchen would be a good place to put it
and the father? who is he? is it a pastoral painting, biblical, heroic…?
the father is eating
and also the son is there too
you’re taking an awfully long time to describe something that should be fairly simple
I’m getting concerned that there’s a horrifying twist to this
what horrifying twist
this is just my kitchen painting
for people to look at while they eat things
no it’s always
you say something that sounds normal
and then I ask you for more details
and then it becomes clear that it’s actually full of horrors
so what is it
what is it, are they eating a meal in a, in a giant bird skeleton
or wearing hats of alcoholism and pus
no he’s just eating in front of a black background
i had no idea you felt this way
oh christ in hell
what a good idea for a painting
all right i thought about your criticism
and i thought to myself
and then i thought, sleeping
and you know how when you fall asleep
horrible bat-winged things and unblinking owls and hateful massive nightcats emerge from the shadowy darkness and surround you
mm there it is
I CALL THIS ONE OLD MEN EATING SOUP
mmm again that is STRICTLY true
but why do they have to be HORRIFYING old men eating WRETCHED AND LOATHSOME soup?
horrifying men eat soup too
it slithers into their craws and coalesces below
how lonely do you think a dog could get
i mean how much loneliness do you think one dog could experience
if it lost everything
and was very very alone
i don’t know
i don’t spend a lot of time thinking about lonely dogs
well what if you did
i don’t WANT to think about lonely dogs
i painted you something
is it of a
it’s a lonely dog
he’s alone and he’ll always be alone but he doesn’t know that so he keeps looking for someone but there’s no one to find
i call it The Loneliest Dog
it’s already in your bedroom so you don’t even have to carry it home
what is wrong with their eyes???
is that not what laughing looks like
that’s not what anything looks like
Mallory is an Editor of The Toast.