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Home: The Toast

It’s very simple, and it’s this. I would pay, let’s say, two-thirds the price of a movie ticket – maybe seven or eight dollars – to go to the movies and watch a solid hour and fifteen minutes of previews alone. (If you don’t like previews, that’s fine. You don’t have to do it. I like them. This is my idea.)

It makes sense to charge less than for a regular movie, but I’m still willing to fork out a solid ten if that’s what it takes. Put all the preview-lovers in one theater, and just hit us with 20 to 25 trailers in a row. And everyone gets a little tablet, the kind that’s backlit enough such that you can read it but not so much that it’s glow-y and distracting, and you just tick YES or NO at the end of each trailer, and if you hit YES, it pre-buys your tickets and sends you a calendar reminder and then you can plan all your movies for the rest of the year, and watch previews until you burst, which is the only thing I really want out of life, to watch a lot of previews and then lean over to my seatmate and say either “We have to see this” or “Do you want to see this?” or “You cannot see this,” and there is a real market for this, I think, so if someone could kindly arrange this for me, I would gladly participate in it, and I believe I am not alone in this. Thank you for your time.

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