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Home: The Toast

Previously by Liz Anderson: The Timid Anarchist’s Poetry Book

Come with me, my darling!

I shall take you to places you’ve never been!

You will be

SO

VERY

ANXIOUS

 

Something tells me

He may not be ready

For casual dating

Tamara

His orientation is listed as

“The River What Took My Son”

 

Every joyful person is a

personal

offense

to

me!

 

Interests:

Obfuscation

Paradigm shifting

Ponderous arguments

Travel! :D :D :D

 

New Message!

Ah!

Sent at 1AM

Ah?

From “JohnGalt196”

Ah.

“Have you ever worn heels and stomped on –”

AHHHHH

 

I’m looking for a “Robin Hood” type

You know

Hates monarchy

Lives in a forest

Is literally a fox

You know

That type

 

I delight in affairs hosted by your friends,

My Dear Angelo!

This will be a night we shall never forget!

Unrelated —

What is the appropriate attire for

An evening of

Hiding in the bathroom

For an hour and a

Half?

 

How I long to feel the warmth of thy embrace

Enmeshed with mine!

Yea, but hold! Let us extinguish this candle first

For verily

The human body is terrifying

And sex is,

At best,

Very gross

 

A big fat cat upon the hill

I will grab it for you

That is how much I love you

Don’t think about it too much

I’m gonna do it

Stop asking questions

I’m gonna do it

Because I love you

I’m gonna steal that cat

I’m gonna do it

I’m gonna

 

 

Looks like someone

Hitched a ride on the

Succu-Bus

Honk Honk!

 

Welcome to the beer garden.

What do we grow here?

Much fauna, bearing fruits of:

Bottom-heavy men

Problematic opinions

Probably nachos

 

Don’t mistake me!

I quite enjoy being invited to your

Board

Game

Nights

It is good that we can admit to ourselves

At the top

That we are poor at

Conversation

 

If you were to measure my love life in

Inappropriate literary comparisons

Call me Giles Corey

‘Cause I am crushing it

 

I, like the British, enjoy describing pleasant things with

Unpleasant adjectives

Such as

Terribly fun

Wickedly smart

And

Lovecraftianly horny

 

Happy Christmas Party,

My dear office staff!

In case my open-backed set of onesie pajamas was not a proper indication

I am indeed

Single

And Ready

To Jingle

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Liz Anderson is a Chicago-based writer, performer, and comedian. She is currently the writer and director of "The One-Woman No-Show," originally produced at The Annoyance Theater and Bar, and performs regularly with Chicago Improv Productions and ComedySportz Chicago. She is also a 6AM DJ on Saturday mornings with on CHIRP Radio (107.1 WCHI), so if you're up early enough to catch her show, she's already sorry.

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