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Home: The Toast

do you know whats great about God
what
there’s three of him so they can all beat you up at once
what?
like if you asked God to beat you
all of
all three persons of him could whale on you pretty efficiently

why would you want God to beat you
what
I mean…why would you want God to beat you?
what?
I don’t think most people want God to beat them at all
I mean
what do you mean?
John?
John?

 

the pope?
more like
nope

John
Romanism?
more like
no-man…ism

what is this about
just working on some snappy reminders about the dangers of Catholicism
I’m not Catholic
good
good good good
see to it that you stay that way

okay
Nicene Creed??
more like
not-so-nice-ene creed

John
clerics???
more like clerICKS

JOHN

 

if you think about it
doing it is kind of like being a saint

how do you mean
i just mean it

 

do you think people would get it if i compared a woman’s corset to like…a version of my dick that she carried around with her inside her dress all day
what
like do you think i could make that obvious enough
i think you could make it obvious enough, yes
sometimes i worry people will miss the dick parts of my poetry
i don’t think you should worry about that
i usually find it pretty clear

 

hey what do you think of this
“If they be two, they are two so
As stiff twin compasses are two ;
Thy soul, the fix’d foot, makes no show
To move, but doth, if th’ other do.

And though it in the centre sit,
Yet, when the other far doth roam,
It leans, and hearkens after it,
And grows erect, as that comes home.

Such wilt thou be to me, who must,
Like th’ other foot, obliquely run ;
Thy firmness makes my circle just,
And makes me end where I begun.”

that’s really lovely, John
it’s about how me and this girl are like the legs on a compass
like we belong together you know

beautiful
but it’s also about how my penis is like a compass?
did you feel like i effectively communicated both of those things?
like how she and i are meant for each other but also my dick is like a mathematical instrument, made of precision and steel?

right
that’s why I kept calling it erect and firm?
sure, sure
my dick is like a compass
yep
oh shit i could probably work a scissoring metaphor in here too?
you don’t think that would be maybe too many metaphors
don’t be naive

 

i mean
like
was it clear to you that poem i wrote about America was really about my dick

it was
ok good
because i was wondering if i could make it clearer?
“O my America! my new-found-land,
How blest am I in this discovering thee!
To enter in these bonds, is to be free;
Then where my hand is set, my seal shall be.
Full nakedness! All joys are due to thee”
how’s that, dick-wise

no i think that’s super clear
it’s about how i’m only happy when i’m naked with women?
for sex?

right
with my dick out?
that’s what makes me happy?

no, right, yeah, i’m following
okay
okay phew
oh wow do you realize “damnable cleric” rhymes with “ramm’d with my dick”

sure does
holy shit this is going to change everything
holy shit this is going to change poetry forever

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