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Home: The Toast

This post originally appeared on January 7th, 2014.

Previously in Canadian anthropological studies: Facts About Thanksgiving.

1. Guess. It’s as good a strategy as any.

2. They are behaving towards you exactly as they always have, yet you somehow feel strangely guilty.

3. Something has changed in the wind.

4. You mention them in a Tweet, and they do not “favorite” it. Instead, they “favourite” it on Secret Canadian Twitter where you cannot see it and experience the associated sense of goodwill.

5. Your weekly batch of homemade cookies only came with chocolate chips, instead of both chocolate and butterscotch, like normal.

6. They apologize to you for something unrelated.

7. They do not make sure your hearts line up when you hug.

8. They do not email to remind you about your parents’ wedding anniversary. They merely bcc: you on their own congratulatory email to your parents.

9. They reply to your emails with only one smiley face.

10. They smile politely and say “It’s certainly possible” or worse, “I can see that.”

11. Tells you less frequently, perhaps only on a daily basis, how much your friendship means to them.

12. The Canadian originally types ‘this is disappointing,’ then wakes up at three am to change it to ‘this is disappointing! Oh, well.’

13. They share an article on Facebook by someone they know you do not like.

14. When you mention a book you loved as a child but could never remember the title of offhandedly in a conversation, they do not track it down and buy it for you, but merely tell you the name.

15. They burn down the White House.

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